Birthdays

We had a great visit today with the birthday girl (Nonnie)! The boys each made her a card, and were really excited to give them to her :) And they loved the toy airplanes she brought them. Kyle opened his first, and then when it was Luke's turn to open his, Kyle said "I don't want it to be something I like"...very perceptive little boy, hoping to avoid brotherly jealousy/envy! He says that when Luke's eating "big boy food" too..."I don't want Luke to eat food that I like". Anyway, we had lots of fun and were so happy to celebrate Nonnie's birthday with her.


I meant to post a couple weeks ago on Jared's birthday. I bought the boys each a balloon (with the moon and stars on them) to release to heaven for Daddy's birthday. They each gave their balloon a big hug and kiss for Daddy before letting them go. They loved watching them go way up in the sky. But once they disappeared, Luke became hysterical and kept saying "where did they go?", and Kyle kept matter-of-factly responding with "they went up to Daddy in heaven, Luke". Talk about a conversation that you never thought in a million years you'd hear your 3 and 1 year olds having...

Kyle seemed to sort of "get it", and I could just see his little brain really trying to process/understand my responses to his various questions..."he died because his body broke" (I don't know how else to explain death at this age), "he can't come to our house next week because he has to stay in heaven forever", "yes, he loves you very much", etc, etc. And I was of course crying as this was happening and he'd say "Mommy's sad" and I told him that it's okay to be sad that Daddy died because we love him and feel sad that he can't live here with us.

These conversations are indescribably heartbreaking, and it still just seems so incomprehensible to hear these things said out loud. Hopefully I'm "handling" all of this the right way with them...I just sort of go with my gut as to when and how much to say/do. At this point, I try to keep it very simple and matter-of-fact, knowing that their understanding of it will grow/evolve as they get older. But I want it all to be very familiar to them, so that no element of it ever "shocks" them. And most of all, I want them to absolutely know how much he loves them from heaven, and always will.