Sunday, April 24, 2011
Happy Easter!
We had a nice Easter today. Grammy made a delicious meal and the kids had fun playing with their Easter Bunny loot. Alex and Rachel especially were off-the-wall excited, cute and fun :) They were REALLY excited to see Marti too, who they hadn't seen in a while.
For the most part, Kyle was a bit more "low key" about things, enjoying opening his eggs and then putting his new cars back in them over and over again (and running around with his cousins too!). And in typical Lukey Pookie fashion, he was just content taking it all in.
As always, a "happy" day like today is just so hard. It slams me with all that Jared and our boys are missing out on in life. Jared loved gatherings like this and his presence is just so sadly missed.
Monday, April 18, 2011
The Good, The Bad, and The Weird
Here's a little summary for you...
KYLE
The Good: He has become VERY snuggly with me lately, always wanting to hug Mumma. And he even gets sad and cries now when he or I leave! I love this new, long-overdue clinginess and separation anxiety :) And it should be noted that he no longer looks like Justin Beiber (I have no idea who Justin Beiber is or what he looks like, but I always hear his name when describing shaggy/unkempt hair so I figure it's appropriate)...I gave him a home haircut last night and, for a first attempt, it actually came out pretty good!
The Bad: He basically doesn't nap anymore. And wakes up for the day in the early 6's. Bad. Very bad.
The Weird: I cut his toenails for LITERALLY the first time ever this week, after over 2.5 years of virtual non-growth. And I didn't even have to cut all of them. I cut his fingernails every week or two. But for some reason, his toenails do not grow. Hopefully this is normal.
LUKE
The Good: Overall, I have felt much better about him this past month. He has seemed to kind of "come alive". He's more motivated to do stuff, like rolling around with purpose (to get something he wants). He also seems to be making attempts to raise his tummy and get up on all fours like he wants to crawl. And he's becoming a bit more vocal (started making "da" and "ga" sounds). These are all good "developmental developments".
The Bad: His cold (and his inability to nurse when stuffed up) has completely erased that 1.5 month stretch of better weight gain. He is still off-and-on stuffy 3 weeks later, and he's lost weight during this stretch. Very upsetting. This is the precise reason I've been so paranoid about germs around him...he just doesn't have any margin of error when it comes to gaining weight. I'll leave it at that, but it is truly pushing me to the brink of my sanity.
The Weird: He loves scratching/clawing my face. And he does it with a big, devilish grin :) He actually made my gum bleed the other day when he somehow scratched the inside my mouth.
ME
The Good: I hired a cleaning lady and they did their initial 5 hr cleaning Saturday! I don't feel like the house really gets that dirty, where it's new and I'm very organized/clutter-free. But dusting and vacuuming still need to be done and I just do not have the time or energy to do it myself. And I REALLY like a clean house. So I think this will be money very well spent. Also, they are spreading the topsoil and doing the final grade, so we should have the start of a lawn within the next couple weeks. Can't wait. Not looking forward to the daily waterings though.
The Bad: See Luke's "The Bad"
The Weird: Despite regular waterings, I seem to have virtually killed all but a couple of the 16 air-filtering hanging ivy plants that I bought to absorb all the new house toxins. Yet I still spend a couple hours every weekend watering the "carcasses", a task I DREAD. Why?! I think it's time to put them (and me) out of our misery.
And a "good" for all of us was a fun visit/playdate with Kim, Evan and Sophia this morning!
KYLE
The Good: He has become VERY snuggly with me lately, always wanting to hug Mumma. And he even gets sad and cries now when he or I leave! I love this new, long-overdue clinginess and separation anxiety :) And it should be noted that he no longer looks like Justin Beiber (I have no idea who Justin Beiber is or what he looks like, but I always hear his name when describing shaggy/unkempt hair so I figure it's appropriate)...I gave him a home haircut last night and, for a first attempt, it actually came out pretty good!
The Bad: He basically doesn't nap anymore. And wakes up for the day in the early 6's. Bad. Very bad.
The Weird: I cut his toenails for LITERALLY the first time ever this week, after over 2.5 years of virtual non-growth. And I didn't even have to cut all of them. I cut his fingernails every week or two. But for some reason, his toenails do not grow. Hopefully this is normal.
LUKE
The Good: Overall, I have felt much better about him this past month. He has seemed to kind of "come alive". He's more motivated to do stuff, like rolling around with purpose (to get something he wants). He also seems to be making attempts to raise his tummy and get up on all fours like he wants to crawl. And he's becoming a bit more vocal (started making "da" and "ga" sounds). These are all good "developmental developments".
The Bad: His cold (and his inability to nurse when stuffed up) has completely erased that 1.5 month stretch of better weight gain. He is still off-and-on stuffy 3 weeks later, and he's lost weight during this stretch. Very upsetting. This is the precise reason I've been so paranoid about germs around him...he just doesn't have any margin of error when it comes to gaining weight. I'll leave it at that, but it is truly pushing me to the brink of my sanity.
The Weird: He loves scratching/clawing my face. And he does it with a big, devilish grin :) He actually made my gum bleed the other day when he somehow scratched the inside my mouth.
ME
The Good: I hired a cleaning lady and they did their initial 5 hr cleaning Saturday! I don't feel like the house really gets that dirty, where it's new and I'm very organized/clutter-free. But dusting and vacuuming still need to be done and I just do not have the time or energy to do it myself. And I REALLY like a clean house. So I think this will be money very well spent. Also, they are spreading the topsoil and doing the final grade, so we should have the start of a lawn within the next couple weeks. Can't wait. Not looking forward to the daily waterings though.
The Bad: See Luke's "The Bad"
The Weird: Despite regular waterings, I seem to have virtually killed all but a couple of the 16 air-filtering hanging ivy plants that I bought to absorb all the new house toxins. Yet I still spend a couple hours every weekend watering the "carcasses", a task I DREAD. Why?! I think it's time to put them (and me) out of our misery.
And a "good" for all of us was a fun visit/playdate with Kim, Evan and Sophia this morning!
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Fun Visit
We had a nice visit with the Ruggiero side of the family today (4 generations were represented!). Kyle had his usual ups and downs, but he liked reading his new potty book with Nonnie, having a crawling contest with Uncle Mike, holding/bouncing his new superball from Auntie Jayne, and saying that Great Grampy was in timeout when he was sitting in the leather chair (where Kyle does his timeouts). And Luke and Emily were really tight...Luke loved watching her and trying to grab/claw her face :)
Oh, a big breakthrough to report...Kyle finally had fun playing with his little basketball hoop today! Up until now, he has refused to play with it, probably because he senses how much I want him to like basketball so of course he wants nothing to do with it. But I think I gave him the choice of "Mumma do dishes" or "Mumma play basketball with Kyle". He chose the latter and was SO proud when he made a basket and we all cheered. I've never seen him so proud before, looking around at each of us for our reaction...it was adorable :)
Hopefully both boys will sleep well tonight after all the excitement today!
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Naps, Playgrounds, etc
With a two year old and 7 month old, you'd think it would be pretty reasonable to expect at least 30 minutes each afternoon when they'd both be napping. But that's not the case with my kids. I know I sound like a broken record about naps, but this is just one of the most frustrating aspects of my life right now (especially since I'm still up every few hours at night with Luke so am very sleep-deprived). I feel like the stars need to align to get this little tiny kid-free window in the afternoon, because it happens so rarely. Yesterday, Kyle didn't nap at all (and promptly woke up Luke with his screaming). And today, Luke decided to nap for only 20 minutes (and promptly woke up Kyle, who naps SO lightly).
Ever since Jared died, I have struggled with my "coping strategy" for life's smaller challenges (like short/no naps). Before, I was always able to put things in perspective by stepping back and looking at the big picture, and recognizing how blessed I was with everything that truly mattered in life. But I no longer have that perspective and find these daily frustrations just seem to make my big picture perspective that much more difficult. And I no longer have Jared to talk to and vent about little stuff like this, as well as my bigger worries/concerns about our boys. It's just really hard.
And everything always seems worse on the weekends, when I can't help but to picture how things would have been. I used to love our family time more than anything. Especially this time of year with the start of the baseball season, March Madness, warmer weather, etc. I just miss sharing my life with him so much. I miss playing with Kyle together, I miss watching him play with Kyle, I miss listening to music together, I miss falling asleep next to him every night and waking up next to him every morning, I miss watching sports/movies together, I miss eating meals together, I miss playing games together, I miss taking walks together, and most of all I just miss talking and laughing with him. I just miss him. I miss being a family. Weekends especially feel so empty and lonely without him.
But I know I still have a lot to be thankful for in life. I love my boys more than anything in the world. And I have the most supportive mom and sister (and brother-in-law), who do SO much for me and help fill the companionship void in my life. But absolutely nothing can come close to filling the heartbreaking void that Jared has left in my life. I just miss him so much, and that only seems to grow stronger with time.
To end on a happier note, Kyle and Luke both enjoyed a new activity today...snuggling together in Kyle's crib! It was VERY cute, especially the way Kyle snuggles right up to him, and the way Luke just watches him with such adoration. They definitely love eachother...see below :)
And I took them to the playground (actually 2 different playgrounds) this afternoon. I was reminded how PAINFUL it is to watch Kyle "in action". "In action" for him at the playground is sitting at the top of the slide looking shell-shocked saying "slide too big", unable to psyche himself up to go down. VERY cautious little boy. Nonnie got to see this firsthand on Skype (on my iPhone).
He was causing a big logjam on the slide at the first playground, because he didn't understand about letting the more adventurous kids go around him (most of whom looked much younger than he!). So that's why we went to a second, smaller playground...no one was there so there was no pressure. He could sit at the top as long as he wanted! He did go down once (with lots of coaxing), said he wanted to do it again, but couldn't quite pull the trigger. I eventually had to climb up myself and carry him back down because he was too afraid to go down either the slide or the steps. I like that he's cautious, but he needs to find a happy medium and be able to let loose and enjoy fun things...must work on this!
Ever since Jared died, I have struggled with my "coping strategy" for life's smaller challenges (like short/no naps). Before, I was always able to put things in perspective by stepping back and looking at the big picture, and recognizing how blessed I was with everything that truly mattered in life. But I no longer have that perspective and find these daily frustrations just seem to make my big picture perspective that much more difficult. And I no longer have Jared to talk to and vent about little stuff like this, as well as my bigger worries/concerns about our boys. It's just really hard.
And everything always seems worse on the weekends, when I can't help but to picture how things would have been. I used to love our family time more than anything. Especially this time of year with the start of the baseball season, March Madness, warmer weather, etc. I just miss sharing my life with him so much. I miss playing with Kyle together, I miss watching him play with Kyle, I miss listening to music together, I miss falling asleep next to him every night and waking up next to him every morning, I miss watching sports/movies together, I miss eating meals together, I miss playing games together, I miss taking walks together, and most of all I just miss talking and laughing with him. I just miss him. I miss being a family. Weekends especially feel so empty and lonely without him.
But I know I still have a lot to be thankful for in life. I love my boys more than anything in the world. And I have the most supportive mom and sister (and brother-in-law), who do SO much for me and help fill the companionship void in my life. But absolutely nothing can come close to filling the heartbreaking void that Jared has left in my life. I just miss him so much, and that only seems to grow stronger with time.
To end on a happier note, Kyle and Luke both enjoyed a new activity today...snuggling together in Kyle's crib! It was VERY cute, especially the way Kyle snuggles right up to him, and the way Luke just watches him with such adoration. They definitely love eachother...see below :)
And I took them to the playground (actually 2 different playgrounds) this afternoon. I was reminded how PAINFUL it is to watch Kyle "in action". "In action" for him at the playground is sitting at the top of the slide looking shell-shocked saying "slide too big", unable to psyche himself up to go down. VERY cautious little boy. Nonnie got to see this firsthand on Skype (on my iPhone).
He was causing a big logjam on the slide at the first playground, because he didn't understand about letting the more adventurous kids go around him (most of whom looked much younger than he!). So that's why we went to a second, smaller playground...no one was there so there was no pressure. He could sit at the top as long as he wanted! He did go down once (with lots of coaxing), said he wanted to do it again, but couldn't quite pull the trigger. I eventually had to climb up myself and carry him back down because he was too afraid to go down either the slide or the steps. I like that he's cautious, but he needs to find a happy medium and be able to let loose and enjoy fun things...must work on this!
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