We had a fun Christmas visit with Great Grampy, Nonnie, Auntie Jayne, Amresh, and Uncle Mike (and briefly Bob and Diane) today. The boys enjoyed lots of love/attention, another round of presents, and a pizza lunch!
It's funny, Kyle recently noticed how some men don't have hair and are "bald" (dangerous new term for him!), and that some men have mustaches. So he was quite fascinated (and for some reason scared) by Great Grampy who has both these attributes. Along those same lines, as you'll see in the pictures, both he and Luke liked exploring the different textures on Uncle Mike's head/face :)
And Luke liked Great Grampy's stair chairlift, getting into mischief, and trying to "eat" Kyle's face after I said I took a bite out of Kyle because I love him so much :)
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Friday, December 28, 2012
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Weekends
Even though it's been almost 3 years, I feel like I'm still programmed to need or somehow expect "recharging" on the weekends. When Jared was alive, I used to SO look forward to them and truly cherished every minute of them...I got to hangout, talk, laugh, cuddle, and relax with my best friend 24-7. They were such a wonderful change of pace, with us taking turns being lazy, sleeping in, running kid-free errands, catching up on stuff around the house, playing games, watching sports/movies, special meals, etc. And best of all during our last 18 months together was sharing the indescribable joy/wonder/pride of being parents together (something I am ashamed to say I now struggle to feel). Weekends were truly rejuvenating, and I am now realizing just how important that is.
Now weekends couldn't be more opposite. In fact, I somewhat dread them and am usually happy when they're over. They just feel extra lonely, stressful, and exhausting, with our void magnified about 1000X when we're out on family outings (especially during the holidays). And of course weekends (or evenings for that matter) no longer provide any break from the "kid duties" (meals, diapers, baths, clean-ups, playing, etc), all while trying to stay on top of all the household chores, work, exercise, maintain my sanity, etc. How I wish my kids were the zone-out-in-front-of-the-TV type (just for small doses of course). But they most certainly are not!
But we got through another one. And I will continue to try to improve and recalibrate my outlook on life. I know I have a lot to be thankful for, and I really do try to focus on that. But it's still just really, really hard in so many ways.
On a happier note, the boys really enjoyed our outing today to the local Heifer International farm. They had sort of a holiday open house with hay rides, lots of animals, roasted chestnuts, Global Village walk, etc. Such a great place to visit, and learn about the wonderful work that they do for those less fortunate worldwide. And we brought canned goods, so I tried to explain to Kyle how some people are hungry all the time and don't have any food to eat, and that this farm and our canned goods help them. But he doesn't quite get it yet and said he wanted other people to stay hungry so we could keep our food ;) I only took a few pictures, but here they are, along with a few from Kyle's swim lesson...
PS: As you'll see in the pictures (especially from the rear view), I REALLY need to get Luke a new hat...his one from last year is REALLY small and looks REALLY funny :)
Now weekends couldn't be more opposite. In fact, I somewhat dread them and am usually happy when they're over. They just feel extra lonely, stressful, and exhausting, with our void magnified about 1000X when we're out on family outings (especially during the holidays). And of course weekends (or evenings for that matter) no longer provide any break from the "kid duties" (meals, diapers, baths, clean-ups, playing, etc), all while trying to stay on top of all the household chores, work, exercise, maintain my sanity, etc. How I wish my kids were the zone-out-in-front-of-the-TV type (just for small doses of course). But they most certainly are not!
But we got through another one. And I will continue to try to improve and recalibrate my outlook on life. I know I have a lot to be thankful for, and I really do try to focus on that. But it's still just really, really hard in so many ways.
On a happier note, the boys really enjoyed our outing today to the local Heifer International farm. They had sort of a holiday open house with hay rides, lots of animals, roasted chestnuts, Global Village walk, etc. Such a great place to visit, and learn about the wonderful work that they do for those less fortunate worldwide. And we brought canned goods, so I tried to explain to Kyle how some people are hungry all the time and don't have any food to eat, and that this farm and our canned goods help them. But he doesn't quite get it yet and said he wanted other people to stay hungry so we could keep our food ;) I only took a few pictures, but here they are, along with a few from Kyle's swim lesson...
PS: As you'll see in the pictures (especially from the rear view), I REALLY need to get Luke a new hat...his one from last year is REALLY small and looks REALLY funny :)
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Nonnie Visit
We had a fun visit with Nonnie today! Kyle showcased his emerging writing-and-sounding-out-words skills for her, and Luke showed off his letter recognition mastery. They both liked that she was proud of them :)
And because it was such a nice day, after lunch the boys got to show her one of their favorite hangouts...Trout Brook! And she got to share in their two favorite activities there...throwing rocks in the pond and seeing/patting all the dogs that are usually there. And as usual, our Trout Brook outing ended when I was no longer able to keep Luke from wading into the pond :)
And because it was such a nice day, after lunch the boys got to show her one of their favorite hangouts...Trout Brook! And she got to share in their two favorite activities there...throwing rocks in the pond and seeing/patting all the dogs that are usually there. And as usual, our Trout Brook outing ended when I was no longer able to keep Luke from wading into the pond :)
Saturday, November 3, 2012
Surprise!
Ca and I successfully pulled off Mom's surprise 70th birthday party yesterday! She thought she was coming over to babysit while I went to a doctor's appointment, so you can imagine her surprise when all her friends and family jumped out of the toy room yelling "SURPRISE"! As you can see in the pictures, she was TRULY surprised! And thankfully she came toting her safety lantern, just in case ;)
And a BIG thank you to all her friends and family for preserving the surprise. As I experienced first hand with both my bridal and baby showers, it is SUCH a cool thing when a surprise works, both for the surprisers and the surprisees.
And we were all thrilled that Marion was able to trek down from VT after a hip scare earlier in the week. And that Marti, after all she's been through these last couple months, was well enough to come. And she looked great! Kyle was just saying the other day how we haven't seen Marti in a long time, and he was absolutely GIDDY when she arrived :)
The highlight of the party for Luke was DEFINITELY the giant balloons, or "b'unes" as he says in his cute little voice. He liked tangling himself up in the ribbons and running all over with them bouncing around. He didn't like, however, when Kyle climbed in the 0, as it slowed him down a bit.
It was a great time with a great bunch of people. And I was happy to have the distraction on what was an extra tough day for me yesterday...it would have been our 10 year anniversary. As time goes on, I miss that love, happiness, and pure contentment I shared with Jared more and more. That life just feels so distant, almost like a dream, hard to believe that "I really had it". But I just have to continue to try to find that happiness and contentment in my "new life". And I am hopeful that some day, I will get there.
And a BIG thank you to all her friends and family for preserving the surprise. As I experienced first hand with both my bridal and baby showers, it is SUCH a cool thing when a surprise works, both for the surprisers and the surprisees.
And we were all thrilled that Marion was able to trek down from VT after a hip scare earlier in the week. And that Marti, after all she's been through these last couple months, was well enough to come. And she looked great! Kyle was just saying the other day how we haven't seen Marti in a long time, and he was absolutely GIDDY when she arrived :)
The highlight of the party for Luke was DEFINITELY the giant balloons, or "b'unes" as he says in his cute little voice. He liked tangling himself up in the ribbons and running all over with them bouncing around. He didn't like, however, when Kyle climbed in the 0, as it slowed him down a bit.
It was a great time with a great bunch of people. And I was happy to have the distraction on what was an extra tough day for me yesterday...it would have been our 10 year anniversary. As time goes on, I miss that love, happiness, and pure contentment I shared with Jared more and more. That life just feels so distant, almost like a dream, hard to believe that "I really had it". But I just have to continue to try to find that happiness and contentment in my "new life". And I am hopeful that some day, I will get there.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Happy Halloween!
The boys had fun trick or treating last night with their cousins! Kyle, aka the Fire Chief, kept up with the big kids, and sometimes remembered to say "trick or treat" and "thank you". And sometimes tried to go right into the people's houses! Luke, aka Mickey Mouse, wasn't quite as eager as Kyle and kind of hung back and did his own thing (like trying to serenade Aunt Ca with his VERY hard-to-understand "I saw a pumpkin..." song, over and over again). It's crazy to think that Luke wasn't even walking yet last Halloween! Or eating! What a difference a year makes.
I think the highlight for both kids was crashing the neighborhood Halloween party! They just made themselves right at home. Kyle helped himself to the veggies and a piece of pizza...he looked a little sheepish when I first saw him chowing down, but his look of elation quickly took over :) And Luke even gnawed on a piece of pizza, and had his first taste of juice! And when he was done with his juice box, he kept saying "I really, really like juice" :)
And the other highlight for them was each getting to eat a piece of candy when we got home. And after they went to bed, I made myself a very balanced candy dinner :) And felt pretty gross afterward :( Thankfully Luke's school is collecting extra candy to send to the troops, so I can get the rest out of the house for a good cause.
I think the highlight for both kids was crashing the neighborhood Halloween party! They just made themselves right at home. Kyle helped himself to the veggies and a piece of pizza...he looked a little sheepish when I first saw him chowing down, but his look of elation quickly took over :) And Luke even gnawed on a piece of pizza, and had his first taste of juice! And when he was done with his juice box, he kept saying "I really, really like juice" :)
And the other highlight for them was each getting to eat a piece of candy when we got home. And after they went to bed, I made myself a very balanced candy dinner :) And felt pretty gross afterward :( Thankfully Luke's school is collecting extra candy to send to the troops, so I can get the rest out of the house for a good cause.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Kid Update
I feel like I am long overdue for a general kids update. So here it goes...
I'll start with Luke, because there is lots of good stuff to report! I don't think I ever posted about his 24 month well visit, namely his specs. He was 36.5" (95th percentile) and, drum roll please....29 lbs 10 oz (a whopping 70TH PERCENTILE) for weight...YIPPEEEE! This was his highest weight percentile since birth and I finally feel like he's where he "should" be. This should be the last time I report his weight with ounces, but I just didn't want to shortchange him in this post :)
And he has made HUGE progress in the eating department this past month or so (once again, it coincided with him being under the weather oddly enough). He is now pretty much a normal 2 year old eater! I basically give him what I give Kyle, and he happily/excitedly feeds himself and chews/swallows at a somewhat normal rate. And he's not picky, and eats all healthy stuff! And isn't gagging/barfing it up!
There are truly no words to describe the massive weight that has been lifted off my shoulders. Needless to say, it has been a very difficult couple years and his impossible eating issues REALLY pushed me to the brink of what I could "handle". But I feel like it's basically behind me now. And from all the feeding clinics and Early Intervention feedback, I was expecting it to go on much longer, as they all said that eating issues take years to resolve. So I am VERY pleasantly surprised that we're almost there!
And another great Lukey Pooks development...I can now leave him out in the family room with Kyle while I exercise and shower in the morning. He knows he has to stay down there, and amazingly he stays out of mischief! Before, I would leave him "caged" in his crib and he was relatively content for a while if he woke up before I was done. But that changed this past month and he started getting REALLY upset if I didn't get him right away. So I tried him out with Kyle a few times for short stretches, and he did great and really seemed to "get" that he had to stay in the family room and be good. And now for the last couple weeks he's been good for the whole hour! Like the feeding progress, this is also very liberating and makes it so much easier to work in my exercise/shower windows.
And Luke LOVES school! His teachers always have good things to say about him too :) And when I pick him up, he loves telling me things that he did, and talking about his friends/teachers. I'm just so happy that I signed him up for it...I really love that place and feel like the two mornings/week is just right for both of us. He's just a very happy, thriving, smart, fun little boy :)
But he is DEFINITELY in a tantrum phase these day, and just can't quite "handle things" if something doesn't go his way. Sometimes it's sort of funny to watch (if we're not rushed and/or out in public), and sometimes it's NOT funny (when we're rushed and/or out in public). But he's two, so this is par for the course and I will take this ANY DAY over feeding issues.
Now for Kyle...he just had his 4 year well visit and was 42.5" (90th percentile) and 43 lbs (also 90th percentile). So I have a couple big boys on my hands! He's also doing really well in school and making such great progress in so many areas. Unlike last year, I love how he WANTS to tell me stuff about school when he gets home (instead of getting really mad if I ask questions).
And he is VERY into writing letters, and is really good at them (both upper and lower case!). He likes writing his name, and he's getting interested in learning how to spell other words too. He has been able to tell what letter a word begins with for a while, but he's now interested in learning the rest! And I love how he is so proud (and loves when I'm proud too) of all these new things that he's learning and able to do.
He's also started asking a ton of questions lately. He never really went through that "why is the sky blue" phase when he was younger. But now he is, and just seems so much more curious/aware of the world/people around him. I really feel like he's matured a lot these last couple months and is heading in the right direction.
And I think our nightly articulation work (which he has become very tolerant of) is starting to pay off too. I see noticeable improvements when we do our "lesson" each night, but now I'm also starting to see improvements during his everyday conversation...he'll actually correct himself sometimes without me prompting him. He's just such a sweet, smart, well-behaved little boy and I'm so proud of him :)
So as you have probably gathered, I feel like I'm in the best place with my kids that I've been, and have the best handle/outlook on life in general that I've had since Jared died. Life as an only parent is exhausting, lonely, stressful, monotonous, frustrating, overwhelming (the list goes on and on), but I am feeling more "rewarded" lately than I've ever felt before, seeing all their wonderful progress and maturity, and overall enjoyment of life and each other. They are such little blessings and are truly my world. I just wish with all my heart that I was sharing them with Jared...that feeling is such a constant in my life and has just become ingrained as part of my "being".
I'll end with pictures from some of our recent fall outings (apparently, I REALLY like to dress my kids in red/navy clothes)...
I'll start with Luke, because there is lots of good stuff to report! I don't think I ever posted about his 24 month well visit, namely his specs. He was 36.5" (95th percentile) and, drum roll please....29 lbs 10 oz (a whopping 70TH PERCENTILE) for weight...YIPPEEEE! This was his highest weight percentile since birth and I finally feel like he's where he "should" be. This should be the last time I report his weight with ounces, but I just didn't want to shortchange him in this post :)
And he has made HUGE progress in the eating department this past month or so (once again, it coincided with him being under the weather oddly enough). He is now pretty much a normal 2 year old eater! I basically give him what I give Kyle, and he happily/excitedly feeds himself and chews/swallows at a somewhat normal rate. And he's not picky, and eats all healthy stuff! And isn't gagging/barfing it up!
There are truly no words to describe the massive weight that has been lifted off my shoulders. Needless to say, it has been a very difficult couple years and his impossible eating issues REALLY pushed me to the brink of what I could "handle". But I feel like it's basically behind me now. And from all the feeding clinics and Early Intervention feedback, I was expecting it to go on much longer, as they all said that eating issues take years to resolve. So I am VERY pleasantly surprised that we're almost there!
And another great Lukey Pooks development...I can now leave him out in the family room with Kyle while I exercise and shower in the morning. He knows he has to stay down there, and amazingly he stays out of mischief! Before, I would leave him "caged" in his crib and he was relatively content for a while if he woke up before I was done. But that changed this past month and he started getting REALLY upset if I didn't get him right away. So I tried him out with Kyle a few times for short stretches, and he did great and really seemed to "get" that he had to stay in the family room and be good. And now for the last couple weeks he's been good for the whole hour! Like the feeding progress, this is also very liberating and makes it so much easier to work in my exercise/shower windows.
And Luke LOVES school! His teachers always have good things to say about him too :) And when I pick him up, he loves telling me things that he did, and talking about his friends/teachers. I'm just so happy that I signed him up for it...I really love that place and feel like the two mornings/week is just right for both of us. He's just a very happy, thriving, smart, fun little boy :)
But he is DEFINITELY in a tantrum phase these day, and just can't quite "handle things" if something doesn't go his way. Sometimes it's sort of funny to watch (if we're not rushed and/or out in public), and sometimes it's NOT funny (when we're rushed and/or out in public). But he's two, so this is par for the course and I will take this ANY DAY over feeding issues.
Now for Kyle...he just had his 4 year well visit and was 42.5" (90th percentile) and 43 lbs (also 90th percentile). So I have a couple big boys on my hands! He's also doing really well in school and making such great progress in so many areas. Unlike last year, I love how he WANTS to tell me stuff about school when he gets home (instead of getting really mad if I ask questions).
And he is VERY into writing letters, and is really good at them (both upper and lower case!). He likes writing his name, and he's getting interested in learning how to spell other words too. He has been able to tell what letter a word begins with for a while, but he's now interested in learning the rest! And I love how he is so proud (and loves when I'm proud too) of all these new things that he's learning and able to do.
He's also started asking a ton of questions lately. He never really went through that "why is the sky blue" phase when he was younger. But now he is, and just seems so much more curious/aware of the world/people around him. I really feel like he's matured a lot these last couple months and is heading in the right direction.
And I think our nightly articulation work (which he has become very tolerant of) is starting to pay off too. I see noticeable improvements when we do our "lesson" each night, but now I'm also starting to see improvements during his everyday conversation...he'll actually correct himself sometimes without me prompting him. He's just such a sweet, smart, well-behaved little boy and I'm so proud of him :)
So as you have probably gathered, I feel like I'm in the best place with my kids that I've been, and have the best handle/outlook on life in general that I've had since Jared died. Life as an only parent is exhausting, lonely, stressful, monotonous, frustrating, overwhelming (the list goes on and on), but I am feeling more "rewarded" lately than I've ever felt before, seeing all their wonderful progress and maturity, and overall enjoyment of life and each other. They are such little blessings and are truly my world. I just wish with all my heart that I was sharing them with Jared...that feeling is such a constant in my life and has just become ingrained as part of my "being".
I'll end with pictures from some of our recent fall outings (apparently, I REALLY like to dress my kids in red/navy clothes)...
Monday, October 8, 2012
Beach Day!
The boys had a great time at the beach this afternoon with Nonnie! They loved running around, chasing the seagulls, and exploring all the little tide pools. And there were horses walking along the shore when we got there, which they both thought was pretty cool.
It was cute, Luke was so excited to be at the ocean that he was literally (as you'll see in the pictures) jumping for joy. He was absolutely giddy :) He loved scooping up handfuls of sand and throwing it everywhere. Fun for him, not so much for those in his firing zone. And he liked digging holes and finding "more ocean" in the ground.
Kyle liked getting chased by Nonnie and writing letters in the sand. And he was very proud that he was not afraid of the waves knocking him over this time (phew!).
They were both pretty good on the drive up, but the drive home was a different story...LOTS of traffic (I guess because of Columbus Day) and Luke refused to nap. Not a good combination. So Luke was VERY fussy, and Kyle flipped out any time that traffic brought us to a dead stop on the highway (which unfortunately happened a lot) and demanded that I "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO".
The highlight of our drive home was a "game" where they took turns asking me to say "mmmmmm" (a sound that Kyle normally gets mad when I make, as an absent-minded response to his endless road trip commentary). But for whatever reason, they both thought it was hysterical when I complied. And it required very little effort on my part so all the better!
But we made it home safe and sound, and I managed to wrestle two very uncooperative, grumpy boys through dinner and all the nightly chores and baths. Long day but they definitely had fun, and I'll (at least theoretically) sleep well tonight!
It was cute, Luke was so excited to be at the ocean that he was literally (as you'll see in the pictures) jumping for joy. He was absolutely giddy :) He loved scooping up handfuls of sand and throwing it everywhere. Fun for him, not so much for those in his firing zone. And he liked digging holes and finding "more ocean" in the ground.
Kyle liked getting chased by Nonnie and writing letters in the sand. And he was very proud that he was not afraid of the waves knocking him over this time (phew!).
They were both pretty good on the drive up, but the drive home was a different story...LOTS of traffic (I guess because of Columbus Day) and Luke refused to nap. Not a good combination. So Luke was VERY fussy, and Kyle flipped out any time that traffic brought us to a dead stop on the highway (which unfortunately happened a lot) and demanded that I "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO".
The highlight of our drive home was a "game" where they took turns asking me to say "mmmmmm" (a sound that Kyle normally gets mad when I make, as an absent-minded response to his endless road trip commentary). But for whatever reason, they both thought it was hysterical when I complied. And it required very little effort on my part so all the better!
But we made it home safe and sound, and I managed to wrestle two very uncooperative, grumpy boys through dinner and all the nightly chores and baths. Long day but they definitely had fun, and I'll (at least theoretically) sleep well tonight!
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Birthday Bash!
The boys had lots of fun celebrating their birthdays yesterday with all their family and friends! Kyle was definitely focused on the three "main events"...pizza, presents and cake, and he thoroughly enjoyed all three. He was a little restless in between though but was able to pass the time thanks to his "pushers" :) And for the first year, he didn't cry when I brought out cake and everyone sang. Yay Kyle! He also blew out his candles for the first time (and blew out Luke's for him too). Such a big boy, my little four year old. And Luke actually ate a little pizza and cake too...yay Luke!
Thank you to everyone for helping to make the day so special. My boys are blessed to have so many wonderful people in their lives who love and care about them. And the gifts were all so generous and fun, even if you didn't get much positive feedback from the boys during "Hurricane Open Presents".
And a special, HUGE thank you to Auntie Jayne, who flew in from the boondocks of Arizona for a long weekend (and drove about 8 hrs round trip yesterday) to be at the party. And this was after just being here last month! Thank you so much Jayne...it meant so much to me and the boys that you (and Amresh) did all of that to come.
And also a big thank you to Viv and Hank, for coming to the boys' party, even though it was their own very special day...happy 50th anniversary Viv and Hank...the boys love you :)
Thank you to everyone for helping to make the day so special. My boys are blessed to have so many wonderful people in their lives who love and care about them. And the gifts were all so generous and fun, even if you didn't get much positive feedback from the boys during "Hurricane Open Presents".
And a special, HUGE thank you to Auntie Jayne, who flew in from the boondocks of Arizona for a long weekend (and drove about 8 hrs round trip yesterday) to be at the party. And this was after just being here last month! Thank you so much Jayne...it meant so much to me and the boys that you (and Amresh) did all of that to come.
And also a big thank you to Viv and Hank, for coming to the boys' party, even though it was their own very special day...happy 50th anniversary Viv and Hank...the boys love you :)
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
And Happy First Day of School, Luke!
Today was Luke's big day...his first day of K'tonton preschool at the JCC, where he'll be going Tuesday and Thursday mornings. He seemed to kind of "get it", that he's going to school like Kyle now that he's 2, and that he has teachers, and friends, and snack, etc.
And he was pretty unaware/distracted when I dropped him off this morning (I don't think he really understood that I was actually leaving), so it was easy/undramatic. The teachers said that he did cry for a few minutes (possibly because a couple others were crying), but then he stopped and had fun! And I got a big smile when I came to pick him up, and he said "Mommy came back and now we go home" :)
So Day 1 was a success, and I'm so hopeful that this will be a fun/positive experience for him. Because if it's positive for him, it will be VERY positive for me, getting those impossible kid-free windows in the house.
During today's 1:55 minute window, I rotated in/out Luke's clothes (for size, season, hand-me-down, etc) and started on Kyle's. Good feeling and long overdue, and nearly impossible to do with Luke around!
And that's my plan...each Tues/Thurs morning I will have one little doable task planned, things that are tough to do with kids around. To me, that's the best way to spend this time...getting stuff done from the never-ending list of chores/projects that overwhelm me. I'm excited to hopefully start feeling more "caught up on life", instead of "just staying afloat" :)
And he was pretty unaware/distracted when I dropped him off this morning (I don't think he really understood that I was actually leaving), so it was easy/undramatic. The teachers said that he did cry for a few minutes (possibly because a couple others were crying), but then he stopped and had fun! And I got a big smile when I came to pick him up, and he said "Mommy came back and now we go home" :)
So Day 1 was a success, and I'm so hopeful that this will be a fun/positive experience for him. Because if it's positive for him, it will be VERY positive for me, getting those impossible kid-free windows in the house.
During today's 1:55 minute window, I rotated in/out Luke's clothes (for size, season, hand-me-down, etc) and started on Kyle's. Good feeling and long overdue, and nearly impossible to do with Luke around!
And that's my plan...each Tues/Thurs morning I will have one little doable task planned, things that are tough to do with kids around. To me, that's the best way to spend this time...getting stuff done from the never-ending list of chores/projects that overwhelm me. I'm excited to hopefully start feeling more "caught up on life", instead of "just staying afloat" :)
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Happy First Day of School, Kyle!
Kyle's first day of preschool last year...
And this year! He had a great first day :)
And Luke, watching Kyle's "bus" drive away, is ready for his big day next week :)
And this year! He had a great first day :)
And Luke, watching Kyle's "bus" drive away, is ready for his big day next week :)
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Happy 2nd Birthday Lukey (2 days late)
I was hoping to take a little break from blogging, but I realized that I never posted for Luke's birthday and would feel incomplete if I didn't. So here it is, with some pictures from the day!
His special day kicked off with Kyle going into his room with a "Happy Birthday" wakeup song, which Luke loved :) And Luke went on to sing "Happy Birthday to Luke" throughout the day :) And he also thinks it's funny to sing Happy Birthday to random objects..."happy birthday to computer...", etc.
Last week, Kyle picked out a little UPS truck for him on Amazon, and understood not to tell him about it. He helped me wrap it but had trouble parting ways with it when it was time to actually give it to Luke. Luke was so excited when he opened it! And he was also excited about the cow stuffed animal I got him too..doesn't take much at this age.
Grammy came over too and watched the boys have cake. Luke was a bit scared of the candles, but Kyle helped and blew them out for him. Kyle of course LOVED the cake, and Luke surprisingly/willingly took about 5 bites...yahoo!!
And then I woke Luke up for a late night birthday snuggle in my bed before I went to sleep (it's my new guilty pleasure...we both LOVE it). So we all had a good day, despite the usual aching void on days like this.
Luke is just such a sweet, happy, adorable, funny, smart, feisty little 2 year old who lights up my world and I love with all my heart. Now for a little blogging sabbatical...
His special day kicked off with Kyle going into his room with a "Happy Birthday" wakeup song, which Luke loved :) And Luke went on to sing "Happy Birthday to Luke" throughout the day :) And he also thinks it's funny to sing Happy Birthday to random objects..."happy birthday to computer...", etc.
Last week, Kyle picked out a little UPS truck for him on Amazon, and understood not to tell him about it. He helped me wrap it but had trouble parting ways with it when it was time to actually give it to Luke. Luke was so excited when he opened it! And he was also excited about the cow stuffed animal I got him too..doesn't take much at this age.
Grammy came over too and watched the boys have cake. Luke was a bit scared of the candles, but Kyle helped and blew them out for him. Kyle of course LOVED the cake, and Luke surprisingly/willingly took about 5 bites...yahoo!!
And then I woke Luke up for a late night birthday snuggle in my bed before I went to sleep (it's my new guilty pleasure...we both LOVE it). So we all had a good day, despite the usual aching void on days like this.
Luke is just such a sweet, happy, adorable, funny, smart, feisty little 2 year old who lights up my world and I love with all my heart. Now for a little blogging sabbatical...
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Fun Visit with Grampa and Auntie Jayne!
We had a wonderful visit today with Grampa and Auntie Jayne! The boys were so excited and had lots of fun playing with them. We packed a lot in!
First we played inside with their new toys from "G and AJ", as Aunt Ca dubbed them on FB :) And Kyle loved Grampa's "maneuver" where he flipped him in the air with his hands! Then we played in the backyard, and G and AJ quickly learned how much Kyle and Luke LOVE to swing (they were their held-hostage "pushers"!).
Then we went for a walk on the rail trail, so the boys could show G and AJ another one of their favorite activities...throwing "big huge rocks" over the bridge and watching the splash! You'll see them hauling some big ones out to the bridge in one of the pictures :)
And I was so happy that Kyle didn't resist going to the rail trail after getting stung there on Thursday. I was afraid that negative association would linger. He talked a lot about how he didn't want to get "stunged" again, and I assured him he (probably) wouldn't. He didn't and as usual, both boys had a blast!
We then came home, had lunch (with Kyle making some lovely sound effects from the "can" for part of it), visited some more, and said our goodbyes. The boys had a great day with two very special people. And we look forward to seeing Auntie Jayne again at the kids' birthday party in less than a month!
First we played inside with their new toys from "G and AJ", as Aunt Ca dubbed them on FB :) And Kyle loved Grampa's "maneuver" where he flipped him in the air with his hands! Then we played in the backyard, and G and AJ quickly learned how much Kyle and Luke LOVE to swing (they were their held-hostage "pushers"!).
Then we went for a walk on the rail trail, so the boys could show G and AJ another one of their favorite activities...throwing "big huge rocks" over the bridge and watching the splash! You'll see them hauling some big ones out to the bridge in one of the pictures :)
And I was so happy that Kyle didn't resist going to the rail trail after getting stung there on Thursday. I was afraid that negative association would linger. He talked a lot about how he didn't want to get "stunged" again, and I assured him he (probably) wouldn't. He didn't and as usual, both boys had a blast!
We then came home, had lunch (with Kyle making some lovely sound effects from the "can" for part of it), visited some more, and said our goodbyes. The boys had a great day with two very special people. And we look forward to seeing Auntie Jayne again at the kids' birthday party in less than a month!
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Another fun Nonnie visit, except....
We had a fun visit with Nonnie today! The only downer was that Kyle's ear got stung by something on the rail trail bridge. Poor little guy was in a lot of pain :( But he was a trooper and turned the corner when we got home and had lunch (food has that effect on him!). Although his ear was still really red and swollen at that point :(
It looked fine when he went to bed tonight though, and he wasn't complaining about it anymore, so I think he's okay. Next up, Luke's birthday tomorrow (how is my baby already 2?!), and Grampa and Auntie Jayne on Saturday!
It looked fine when he went to bed tonight though, and he wasn't complaining about it anymore, so I think he's okay. Next up, Luke's birthday tomorrow (how is my baby already 2?!), and Grampa and Auntie Jayne on Saturday!
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Birthdays
We had a great visit today with the birthday girl (Nonnie)! The boys each made her a card, and were really excited to give them to her :) And they loved the toy airplanes she brought them. Kyle opened his first, and then when it was Luke's turn to open his, Kyle said "I don't want it to be something I like"...very perceptive little boy, hoping to avoid brotherly jealousy/envy! He says that when Luke's eating "big boy food" too..."I don't want Luke to eat food that I like". Anyway, we had lots of fun and were so happy to celebrate Nonnie's birthday with her.
I meant to post a couple weeks ago on Jared's birthday. I bought the boys each a balloon (with the moon and stars on them) to release to heaven for Daddy's birthday. They each gave their balloon a big hug and kiss for Daddy before letting them go. They loved watching them go way up in the sky. But once they disappeared, Luke became hysterical and kept saying "where did they go?", and Kyle kept matter-of-factly responding with "they went up to Daddy in heaven, Luke". Talk about a conversation that you never thought in a million years you'd hear your 3 and 1 year olds having...
Kyle seemed to sort of "get it", and I could just see his little brain really trying to process/understand my responses to his various questions..."he died because his body broke" (I don't know how else to explain death at this age), "he can't come to our house next week because he has to stay in heaven forever", "yes, he loves you very much", etc, etc. And I was of course crying as this was happening and he'd say "Mommy's sad" and I told him that it's okay to be sad that Daddy died because we love him and feel sad that he can't live here with us.
These conversations are indescribably heartbreaking, and it still just seems so incomprehensible to hear these things said out loud. Hopefully I'm "handling" all of this the right way with them...I just sort of go with my gut as to when and how much to say/do. At this point, I try to keep it very simple and matter-of-fact, knowing that their understanding of it will grow/evolve as they get older. But I want it all to be very familiar to them, so that no element of it ever "shocks" them. And most of all, I want them to absolutely know how much he loves them from heaven, and always will.
I meant to post a couple weeks ago on Jared's birthday. I bought the boys each a balloon (with the moon and stars on them) to release to heaven for Daddy's birthday. They each gave their balloon a big hug and kiss for Daddy before letting them go. They loved watching them go way up in the sky. But once they disappeared, Luke became hysterical and kept saying "where did they go?", and Kyle kept matter-of-factly responding with "they went up to Daddy in heaven, Luke". Talk about a conversation that you never thought in a million years you'd hear your 3 and 1 year olds having...
These conversations are indescribably heartbreaking, and it still just seems so incomprehensible to hear these things said out loud. Hopefully I'm "handling" all of this the right way with them...I just sort of go with my gut as to when and how much to say/do. At this point, I try to keep it very simple and matter-of-fact, knowing that their understanding of it will grow/evolve as they get older. But I want it all to be very familiar to them, so that no element of it ever "shocks" them. And most of all, I want them to absolutely know how much he loves them from heaven, and always will.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Davis Farmland with Nonnie
Seeing Nonnie three times in the month of June pretty much guarantees at least three blog posts :) And what a fun visit we had today! After playing for a little bit at our house with the new toys from Nonnie (the Curious George car was a big hit), the boys introduced her to Davis Farmland.
And despite going mid-day on such a hot day, it was actually quite comfortable there...great breeze and nice dry air. The boys had fun watching/patting all the animals, going for a hayride, and jumping in the bouncy house. And most of all, hanging out with Nonnie :)
And despite going mid-day on such a hot day, it was actually quite comfortable there...great breeze and nice dry air. The boys had fun watching/patting all the animals, going for a hayride, and jumping in the bouncy house. And most of all, hanging out with Nonnie :)
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Weekend Update
First I'll start off with some pics from our visit to Davis Farmland last weekend, where Kyle had his first pony ride and loved it, and loved saying "giddy up pony"! And I let Luke run around for most of our visit, instead of having him in the stroller. He loved the freedom, and loved doing "nice" to all the animals. Until a really large, creepy sheep approached him from behind and made a weird, loud noise right in his ear. He looked at me with panic and said "hug" and didn't pat the animals after that. And I don't really blame him...that sheep was pretty disturbing!
Then yesterday, we went to a "Big Truck Show" at a local high school. Both boys loved it, although Luke didn't like all the REALLY loud honking and was crying off and on because of it :( Oh, the last picture in that batch shows what I found when I got back to my car...in my frenzy of trying to get sunscreen on the boys while juggling/keeping them safe in the parking lot, apparently I left my driver's side door open (with my purse/wallet right there on the passenger's seat) for the entire 1.5 hrs that we were walking around. Wow, never done that before! Fortunately everything appeared to be in tact, and my battery wasn't dead. Phew!
And today, we went to Great Grampy's and had fun playing ball outside with him, Nonnie, and her friend Diane. Then we had an early dinner at the country club, and the boys both did great! They liked walking around and looking at the fountains, pretty flowers, and golf carts. And of course Kyle LOVED eating his decadent mac 'n cheese dinner :) And Luke liked picking at his grilled cheese sandwich, and plucking little morsels off my plate too :) They went to bed at a wild (for them) 7:30 tonight! We'll see how that shakes out in the morning...
I'm glad today was a very busy day because as I sit here now alone on Father's Day, the sadness is really setting in, thinking about all of the love, fun, and life experiences that my boys are missing out on without their amazing father. I do the best that I can, but I certainly can't come close to filling that void in their lives. And that just absolutely breaks my heart. We love you so much Jar, and I wish with all my heart that you were here with us today celebrating your 4th Father's Day...you truly epitomized what it meant to be a great father.
Then yesterday, we went to a "Big Truck Show" at a local high school. Both boys loved it, although Luke didn't like all the REALLY loud honking and was crying off and on because of it :( Oh, the last picture in that batch shows what I found when I got back to my car...in my frenzy of trying to get sunscreen on the boys while juggling/keeping them safe in the parking lot, apparently I left my driver's side door open (with my purse/wallet right there on the passenger's seat) for the entire 1.5 hrs that we were walking around. Wow, never done that before! Fortunately everything appeared to be in tact, and my battery wasn't dead. Phew!
And today, we went to Great Grampy's and had fun playing ball outside with him, Nonnie, and her friend Diane. Then we had an early dinner at the country club, and the boys both did great! They liked walking around and looking at the fountains, pretty flowers, and golf carts. And of course Kyle LOVED eating his decadent mac 'n cheese dinner :) And Luke liked picking at his grilled cheese sandwich, and plucking little morsels off my plate too :) They went to bed at a wild (for them) 7:30 tonight! We'll see how that shakes out in the morning...
I'm glad today was a very busy day because as I sit here now alone on Father's Day, the sadness is really setting in, thinking about all of the love, fun, and life experiences that my boys are missing out on without their amazing father. I do the best that I can, but I certainly can't come close to filling that void in their lives. And that just absolutely breaks my heart. We love you so much Jar, and I wish with all my heart that you were here with us today celebrating your 4th Father's Day...you truly epitomized what it meant to be a great father.
Friday, June 8, 2012
Preschool Parade!
Today was "Parade Day" at Kyle's preschool. And because he goes in the morning and afternoon, he got to march in two parades!
Luke and I went this morning, and watched the "big kids" do two loops around the parking lot, marching and waving...super cute :) And Kyle looked like he was really having fun, which I just love to see :) Luke liked all the action and yelled "Kahgie" REALLY excitedly when he saw him :) Kyle's class then had a little ceremony for parents, where they sang songs (including Row Row Row Your Boat, which you'll see a picture of him acting out with a friend), did the "Hula Hop" (those are the pictures that show Kyle's cheerleading potential), and got their certificates. Luke had fun roaming around the classroom, especially playing (or I should say flooding the classroom!) at the water table.
Then I brought Luke home for lunch/nap (with Grammy) and went back for Round 2. Another parade and more festivities in his afternoon class. I wasn't sure how Kyle would do today, because he had been saying all week that he didn't want to be in the parade. But he did great and looked like he had lots of fun!
Luke and I went this morning, and watched the "big kids" do two loops around the parking lot, marching and waving...super cute :) And Kyle looked like he was really having fun, which I just love to see :) Luke liked all the action and yelled "Kahgie" REALLY excitedly when he saw him :) Kyle's class then had a little ceremony for parents, where they sang songs (including Row Row Row Your Boat, which you'll see a picture of him acting out with a friend), did the "Hula Hop" (those are the pictures that show Kyle's cheerleading potential), and got their certificates. Luke had fun roaming around the classroom, especially playing (or I should say flooding the classroom!) at the water table.
Then I brought Luke home for lunch/nap (with Grammy) and went back for Round 2. Another parade and more festivities in his afternoon class. I wasn't sure how Kyle would do today, because he had been saying all week that he didn't want to be in the parade. But he did great and looked like he had lots of fun!
Monday, June 4, 2012
Surprise!
The boys had fun surprising Nonnie at her school today! They enjoyed exploring her classroom, watching out the window for school buses, running up and down the hallways, hanging out in the library, seeing all of Nonnie's nice teacher friends, and most of all playing chase with Nonnie in the gym!
Luke found a couple toy construction vehicles that he liked lugging around with him (one in each hand), and liked saying "blast off" with the rocket that Pam gave him! And Kyle enjoyed coloring with markers in Nonnie's classroom, and all the special treat "cookies" (i.e. little graham bunnies) along the way.
So it was a really fun visit! The drive...not so fun. About 4.5 hrs round trip in the rain with two very over-tired-but-refusing-to-sleep, whining, fussing, crying, screaming little boys. What I would have given tonight to snap my fingers when we got home and had them be fed, bathed, and in bed! But unfortunately that's not how it works. Hopefully Kyle will sleep "late" tomorrow...for some unknown reason, he has woken up (for good) at 4:50am the last two mornings :( But tomorrow is a new day!
Luke found a couple toy construction vehicles that he liked lugging around with him (one in each hand), and liked saying "blast off" with the rocket that Pam gave him! And Kyle enjoyed coloring with markers in Nonnie's classroom, and all the special treat "cookies" (i.e. little graham bunnies) along the way.
So it was a really fun visit! The drive...not so fun. About 4.5 hrs round trip in the rain with two very over-tired-but-refusing-to-sleep, whining, fussing, crying, screaming little boys. What I would have given tonight to snap my fingers when we got home and had them be fed, bathed, and in bed! But unfortunately that's not how it works. Hopefully Kyle will sleep "late" tomorrow...for some unknown reason, he has woken up (for good) at 4:50am the last two mornings :( But tomorrow is a new day!
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Not the best day...
Today was not the best day, and I just feel like I need to vent (and of course have no one to do it to). So I apologize in advance for probably sounding very negative, but sometimes life just feels so hard. It started with being awoken every couple hours throughout the night last night...twice by Kyle (once was hot, the other was thirsty) and twice by Luke (once with a poop, the other with a coughing/crying fit). And then Luke woke up for good at 5:30. So it was one of those nights where I'm not sure that I slept at all, although I'm sure I did a few minutes here and there.
And days after a night like that are generally not good. So I got the boys dressed/bathroom/fed/etc (battle, battle, battle). Then I thought since Luke didn't get much sleep last night that he'd probably want a morning nap. So I put him down and did my exercise. And of course he didn't sleep and screamed through my entire session (and Kyle was yelling that he had to poop throughout). So instead of reaping the cardio benefit, I think it was completely wiped out by what was probably sky-high blood pressure from listening to them screaming and feeling very stressed/guilty about it.
So while my original motivation with starting my exercise program was to keep myself as healthy as possible for my kids (since I'm all they've got), I don't feel like it's benefiting either of us these days. There's just no good window to do it from a kid perspective (except after they go to bed at night, but then I'd never be able to fall asleep). And it's unfortunate because I am the most motivated/committed that I've ever been in my life (I have done my 4 days/week without a miss since I started last July, even through sickness). But I don't feel good about it because generally the kids are (vocally) miserable for that hour of exercise/shower, which of course leaves me feeling stressed and definitely not refreshed like exercise used to make me feel back in the day. But I plan to stick with it and just always try to figure out new ways to make it work. Anyway, I digress...
So then it was time to cut Kyle's hair (battle, battle, battle...awful scene...surprised the neighbors didn't call Child Protective Services with the blood-curdling screams he was letting out!). Then of course it was bath time, since Kyle was covered in hair (battle, battle, battle, more blood-curdling screams while I washed him). Then it was time for Skype with Nonnie, which was cut short when Luke, who was sitting on my lap for a story, whipped his head back really hard and knocked my jaw out of alignment. The pain was intense, and my uncontrollable crying from it was just making it worse since it was tensing my jaw. I couldn't bite down for a while, and then I just forced myself to, felt a pop (which was hopefully a good thing), and it's hurt like heck ever since but at least I can close it.
Then I fed them lunch, and put Luke down for his much-needed nap. And thought I was going to get a MUCH-needed break myself by surprising Kyle with the iPad that Grammy gave us (which was SUPER-awesomely nice of her, as it's something Kyle LOVES playing with it!). He happily/excitedly went in his room with it for a "play nap". Luke had been asleep for about a half hour at this point. And I told Kyle he had to be VERY quiet or else I'd take the iPad away. While of course about 5 minutes into it, he started yelling (frustrated by something). And then 10 minutes or so later, more LOUD frustrated yelling to the point that it woke up Luke (and despite my efforts, he did not go back to sleep).
Ugh, I'm starting to run out of gas with all this negativity, so I'll end with the grand finale...Luke must have aspirated his peas (which he's not very good at swallowing yet, like everything else), because he started coughing at dinner and couldn't stop. And threw up all over himself a few times from it. Big, messy, awful clean-up. And he was still coughing when I put him to bed, so I'm worried there will be more tonight.
So those are the highlights. Not to mention constant nose-wiping (Luke who really needed it but is SO hard to capture/hold for it, and Kyle who wanted it but doesn't actually blow so the tissue was always dry which is very annoying). And the feeling that my interactions with Kyle these days consist solely of constant yelling/threatening/bribing, with pockets of his "scripted" dialogue mixed in.
Days like this just leave me feeling like such an awful parent, and just completely drained. And it's always worse on the weekends, when I can't help but to picture Jared playing with the boys outside (and LOVING it!), or taking them on outings (and LOVING it!), and me getting some kid-free time (and LOVING it!), and me getting to sleep in one morning (and LOVING it!). Blah, blah, blah. I hate when I sound like such a negative loser, but life as an only parent of little, challenging kids is just so hard/exhausting/lonely, and I feel better when I can vent about it. Now back to work...
Wait, let's end on a positive. Hmmm. I know! We did have a very fun half hour playing outside after dinner (with less worry of Luke's near-puke coughing since I would only have to wash him if it happened outside, which thankfully it didn't). What a gorgeous day/evening it was, and I was glad that our day ended on a better note. And as always, tomorrow is a new day.
And days after a night like that are generally not good. So I got the boys dressed/bathroom/fed/etc (battle, battle, battle). Then I thought since Luke didn't get much sleep last night that he'd probably want a morning nap. So I put him down and did my exercise. And of course he didn't sleep and screamed through my entire session (and Kyle was yelling that he had to poop throughout). So instead of reaping the cardio benefit, I think it was completely wiped out by what was probably sky-high blood pressure from listening to them screaming and feeling very stressed/guilty about it.
So while my original motivation with starting my exercise program was to keep myself as healthy as possible for my kids (since I'm all they've got), I don't feel like it's benefiting either of us these days. There's just no good window to do it from a kid perspective (except after they go to bed at night, but then I'd never be able to fall asleep). And it's unfortunate because I am the most motivated/committed that I've ever been in my life (I have done my 4 days/week without a miss since I started last July, even through sickness). But I don't feel good about it because generally the kids are (vocally) miserable for that hour of exercise/shower, which of course leaves me feeling stressed and definitely not refreshed like exercise used to make me feel back in the day. But I plan to stick with it and just always try to figure out new ways to make it work. Anyway, I digress...
So then it was time to cut Kyle's hair (battle, battle, battle...awful scene...surprised the neighbors didn't call Child Protective Services with the blood-curdling screams he was letting out!). Then of course it was bath time, since Kyle was covered in hair (battle, battle, battle, more blood-curdling screams while I washed him). Then it was time for Skype with Nonnie, which was cut short when Luke, who was sitting on my lap for a story, whipped his head back really hard and knocked my jaw out of alignment. The pain was intense, and my uncontrollable crying from it was just making it worse since it was tensing my jaw. I couldn't bite down for a while, and then I just forced myself to, felt a pop (which was hopefully a good thing), and it's hurt like heck ever since but at least I can close it.
Then I fed them lunch, and put Luke down for his much-needed nap. And thought I was going to get a MUCH-needed break myself by surprising Kyle with the iPad that Grammy gave us (which was SUPER-awesomely nice of her, as it's something Kyle LOVES playing with it!). He happily/excitedly went in his room with it for a "play nap". Luke had been asleep for about a half hour at this point. And I told Kyle he had to be VERY quiet or else I'd take the iPad away. While of course about 5 minutes into it, he started yelling (frustrated by something). And then 10 minutes or so later, more LOUD frustrated yelling to the point that it woke up Luke (and despite my efforts, he did not go back to sleep).
Ugh, I'm starting to run out of gas with all this negativity, so I'll end with the grand finale...Luke must have aspirated his peas (which he's not very good at swallowing yet, like everything else), because he started coughing at dinner and couldn't stop. And threw up all over himself a few times from it. Big, messy, awful clean-up. And he was still coughing when I put him to bed, so I'm worried there will be more tonight.
So those are the highlights. Not to mention constant nose-wiping (Luke who really needed it but is SO hard to capture/hold for it, and Kyle who wanted it but doesn't actually blow so the tissue was always dry which is very annoying). And the feeling that my interactions with Kyle these days consist solely of constant yelling/threatening/bribing, with pockets of his "scripted" dialogue mixed in.
Days like this just leave me feeling like such an awful parent, and just completely drained. And it's always worse on the weekends, when I can't help but to picture Jared playing with the boys outside (and LOVING it!), or taking them on outings (and LOVING it!), and me getting some kid-free time (and LOVING it!), and me getting to sleep in one morning (and LOVING it!). Blah, blah, blah. I hate when I sound like such a negative loser, but life as an only parent of little, challenging kids is just so hard/exhausting/lonely, and I feel better when I can vent about it. Now back to work...
Wait, let's end on a positive. Hmmm. I know! We did have a very fun half hour playing outside after dinner (with less worry of Luke's near-puke coughing since I would only have to wash him if it happened outside, which thankfully it didn't). What a gorgeous day/evening it was, and I was glad that our day ended on a better note. And as always, tomorrow is a new day.
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Mother's Day 2012
The boys and I had a very nice Mother's Day at Tower Hill with Grammy and Nonnie. The brunch was yummy, the weather was perfect, and the company was great! Luke's highlight = getting drenched at the edge of the misting fountain. Luke's lowlight = the actual brunch. Kyle's highlight = the actual brunch. Kyle's lowlight = being dragged away from the fountain when it was time to go home.
Not just today, but everyday I feel so blessed to have what I truly believe is the best mother in the world :) Thank you Mom for ALL you do for us! We love you so much and are so thankful for the very important role you play in our lives.
And I also feel very blessed that my boys have two of the best grandmothers imaginable...both have such pure and genuine love for them, which warms my heart. Thank you Grammy and Nonnie...my boys love and adore you both :)
Not just today, but everyday I feel so blessed to have what I truly believe is the best mother in the world :) Thank you Mom for ALL you do for us! We love you so much and are so thankful for the very important role you play in our lives.
And I also feel very blessed that my boys have two of the best grandmothers imaginable...both have such pure and genuine love for them, which warms my heart. Thank you Grammy and Nonnie...my boys love and adore you both :)
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Beach Day!
We had a fun day at the beach in Kennebunkport with Nonnie today! I was a little hesitant for us to go, since we're just a few days into Kyle's potty training (which thankfully is going great!). But I decided to go for it and I'm glad I did (especially since it was 85F and sunny, in April!). The boys had a blast! When we first got there, Kyle was excited to throw rocks into the ocean with Nonnie. But when a wave knocked him over and he got all wet, he decided that the little tidal pools were more his speed. Luke on the other hand LOVED the water!! I think he would have stood there all day, watching the waves splash over his feet and saying "water" excitedly every time a wave came in :) He just LOVED it, and it was very hard for me to lure him away.
Nonnie got a kick out of Kyle as he was eating his "car dinner", explaining to her that it would later come out as poop :) And then he was such a good boy and did his very first "car potty" pee! It was cute, afterward he was asking where the sink was...I guess he is pretty programmed to wash hands after potty! And Luke loved having Nonnie do "This Little Piggy..." with him when he was in his stroller :)
And the travels were about as uneventful as could be. No traffic either way. The boys both did great, with basically no fussing. Luke took a little nap on the way up, and Kyle on the way home. So it was about as smooth of a road trip as you can get with a 3 and 1 year old in tow!
Quick update...yes, Kyle is FINALLY potty trained! He's known for a while that we'd by all out of diapers on the Saturday of April vacation, and that he'd have to use the potty. The first day, he didn't have any accidents but it took him FOREVER to get the pee out, and he was VERY upset while sitting on the potty trying. So the second day, I "let" him have an accident when he was standing on a plastic mat, just so he could see how yucky it feels (he definitely didn't like it). And ever since then, his pees come out much quicker on the potty and he doesn't get upset (and he hasn't had any accidents). He's even done 2 poops too! But he's still pooping in his diaper in the middle of the night, needing to be changed :( But overall, this has to be about the easiest potty training experience ever (something to be said for waiting until they're good and ready, even if they're 3.5!). Oh, and the same day he started using the potty, his big boy bed arrived, which he LOVES! And he slept until 8:40am (having gone to bed at 6pm) his first night in it which I loved :)
And a quick Luke update. As I mentioned, ever since his stomach bug a few weeks ago (my first stomach bug kid experience...NOT fun), he has been RAVENOUS and is doing much better chewing/swallowing solids! YAY!!!! But the whole stomach bug made me reconsider and ultimately cancel those 2 mornings of daycare. I don't want to be dealing with bugs like that on a regular basis. And where he still puts everything in his mouth, I'm sure he'd catch whatever is going around. So as much as I liked the socialization for him (and the kid-free window for me!), "elective daycare" didn't feel like the right thing for now.
Nonnie got a kick out of Kyle as he was eating his "car dinner", explaining to her that it would later come out as poop :) And then he was such a good boy and did his very first "car potty" pee! It was cute, afterward he was asking where the sink was...I guess he is pretty programmed to wash hands after potty! And Luke loved having Nonnie do "This Little Piggy..." with him when he was in his stroller :)
And the travels were about as uneventful as could be. No traffic either way. The boys both did great, with basically no fussing. Luke took a little nap on the way up, and Kyle on the way home. So it was about as smooth of a road trip as you can get with a 3 and 1 year old in tow!
Quick update...yes, Kyle is FINALLY potty trained! He's known for a while that we'd by all out of diapers on the Saturday of April vacation, and that he'd have to use the potty. The first day, he didn't have any accidents but it took him FOREVER to get the pee out, and he was VERY upset while sitting on the potty trying. So the second day, I "let" him have an accident when he was standing on a plastic mat, just so he could see how yucky it feels (he definitely didn't like it). And ever since then, his pees come out much quicker on the potty and he doesn't get upset (and he hasn't had any accidents). He's even done 2 poops too! But he's still pooping in his diaper in the middle of the night, needing to be changed :( But overall, this has to be about the easiest potty training experience ever (something to be said for waiting until they're good and ready, even if they're 3.5!). Oh, and the same day he started using the potty, his big boy bed arrived, which he LOVES! And he slept until 8:40am (having gone to bed at 6pm) his first night in it which I loved :)
And a quick Luke update. As I mentioned, ever since his stomach bug a few weeks ago (my first stomach bug kid experience...NOT fun), he has been RAVENOUS and is doing much better chewing/swallowing solids! YAY!!!! But the whole stomach bug made me reconsider and ultimately cancel those 2 mornings of daycare. I don't want to be dealing with bugs like that on a regular basis. And where he still puts everything in his mouth, I'm sure he'd catch whatever is going around. So as much as I liked the socialization for him (and the kid-free window for me!), "elective daycare" didn't feel like the right thing for now.
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Easter Surprise!
We had fun this afternoon surprising Nonnie and Great Grampy with an Easter visit! While we were outside Great Grampy's house, discretely waiting for them to get back from brunch, the boys discovered a sewer drain and loved throwing rocks down and listening for the "plop"! And as Kyle very accurately described it, "plop, just like in the potty" (good motivation for him, since he hasn't actually done a plop in the potty yet!).
Luke was so proud of himself when he figured out how to do the "plop", but he wasn't good at finding his own rocks and would just very persistently say "rock, rock" until someone got him one. Nonnie and Great Grampy quickly caught on to the joy of this very exciting activity, and never before have so many pictures been taken 'round the family sewer drain!
After a few high fives with Great Grampy, we hit the road. And as we were waving goodbye, Kyle very happily said "we had double Nonnie today...on Skype and in Tewksbury!" :)
Then when we got home, the Easter bunny had come! This made Kyle VERY happy, and he and Luke had lots of fun playing with their new loot. And Grammy brought over a yummy dinner that we all ate together. Even Luke! Ever since his stomach bug last week, he's been ravenous, showing true hunger for like the first time in his life, which seems to be motivating him a bit in the chewing/swallowing department. Go Pooks!
Luke was so proud of himself when he figured out how to do the "plop", but he wasn't good at finding his own rocks and would just very persistently say "rock, rock" until someone got him one. Nonnie and Great Grampy quickly caught on to the joy of this very exciting activity, and never before have so many pictures been taken 'round the family sewer drain!
After a few high fives with Great Grampy, we hit the road. And as we were waving goodbye, Kyle very happily said "we had double Nonnie today...on Skype and in Tewksbury!" :)
Then when we got home, the Easter bunny had come! This made Kyle VERY happy, and he and Luke had lots of fun playing with their new loot. And Grammy brought over a yummy dinner that we all ate together. Even Luke! Ever since his stomach bug last week, he's been ravenous, showing true hunger for like the first time in his life, which seems to be motivating him a bit in the chewing/swallowing department. Go Pooks!
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Luke's $999,983 Dollar Smile and Newborn Kyle
Luke's million dollar smile (as Nonnie likes to call it) may have been downgraded a bit. If you look closely at the photo below (where I asked him to make his famous "finky face"), you will see one of his top teeth is chipped :( I noticed it last night was I was feeding him dinner. No idea how/when/where it occurred. But it is very jagged so I am taking him to the dentist this morning...hopefully they can smooth it out.
And in Kyle news, I feel like he's a newborn again in terms of the nights. Basically, he has had a cold since early December (literally). Very mild the last couple months, but definitely worse at night. And he still can't actually blow his nose, so stuff just sits back there (and makes him cough). But he thinks he needs a tissue constantly, because he feels "boogies" in there. But rarely is there anything actually on the tissue because when I tell him to blow, he blows out his mouth. I'm all over the place here (blame it on sleep-deprivation), but what I'm leading up to is that he hasn't slept through the night in months. And here are the reasons (two related to his cold, and two diaper related):
1) Coughing. I feel so bad for him when it's keeping him up, because I know what it's like. I've been giving him water to sip on and honey, but neither seems to do much. Although he loves the honey!
2) "Runny" nose. Two things with this, and it's damned if I do, damned if I don't. If I leave tissues in his crib, so that he can wipe his non-dripping nose whenever he so desires, they always end up on the floor and he then gets hysterical when he wants one in the night. So I have to go in and get them. And if I don't leave tissues in his crib, then he wakes me up throughout the night yelling that he needs a tissue.
3) Drenched. He wakes up soaked (diaper completely saturated and jammies all wet) and needs to be changed.
4) Poop. This is a new one. He now poops in the middle of the night (like a newborn), and needs to be changed. This was brought on by going full-days at preschool. He was used to pooping in the afternoon during his "nap". But now that he's at school in the afternoon, his schedule's all off and he doesn't poop. Sometimes I can get him to do one before bed. But sometimes he tries and can't, and then does one in the night.
Sooooo, all of these are fairly legitimate reasons for him to be waking me up (except the tissue thing). And in reality, they only require that I get up with him for a few minutes and then he goes right back to sleep. But even though it's been two years of being alone in the bed, I still have so much trouble falling asleep. And to have to do it a few times every night means I'm only sleeping for an hour or two at a time, averaging maybe 4 hrs total for the night.
And after so many weeks of this, I feel like it's really catching up with me. I get up in the morning in such a horrible mood, with very little patience. And Kyle's in a horrible mood because he's also somewhat sleep-deprived. And the day starts off with so many kid "chores" (diapers, getting dressed, getting breakfast, brushing teeth/hair, etc). And Kyle just fusses, whines, and generally drives me crazy through all of it. Such is life.
And unrelated, although somewhat relevant...I ordered Kyle a bed (just a twin mattress and boxspring) yesterday, and some truck bedding to go along with it. I think he'll do fine with the transition from the crib. And he will now be able to get all the tissues he wants in the night without my assistance! But I will now be stripping a bed instead of crib when he wakes up soaked. We'll see how it all plays out, but I really, really hope our nights improve soon.
And in Kyle news, I feel like he's a newborn again in terms of the nights. Basically, he has had a cold since early December (literally). Very mild the last couple months, but definitely worse at night. And he still can't actually blow his nose, so stuff just sits back there (and makes him cough). But he thinks he needs a tissue constantly, because he feels "boogies" in there. But rarely is there anything actually on the tissue because when I tell him to blow, he blows out his mouth. I'm all over the place here (blame it on sleep-deprivation), but what I'm leading up to is that he hasn't slept through the night in months. And here are the reasons (two related to his cold, and two diaper related):
1) Coughing. I feel so bad for him when it's keeping him up, because I know what it's like. I've been giving him water to sip on and honey, but neither seems to do much. Although he loves the honey!
2) "Runny" nose. Two things with this, and it's damned if I do, damned if I don't. If I leave tissues in his crib, so that he can wipe his non-dripping nose whenever he so desires, they always end up on the floor and he then gets hysterical when he wants one in the night. So I have to go in and get them. And if I don't leave tissues in his crib, then he wakes me up throughout the night yelling that he needs a tissue.
3) Drenched. He wakes up soaked (diaper completely saturated and jammies all wet) and needs to be changed.
4) Poop. This is a new one. He now poops in the middle of the night (like a newborn), and needs to be changed. This was brought on by going full-days at preschool. He was used to pooping in the afternoon during his "nap". But now that he's at school in the afternoon, his schedule's all off and he doesn't poop. Sometimes I can get him to do one before bed. But sometimes he tries and can't, and then does one in the night.
Sooooo, all of these are fairly legitimate reasons for him to be waking me up (except the tissue thing). And in reality, they only require that I get up with him for a few minutes and then he goes right back to sleep. But even though it's been two years of being alone in the bed, I still have so much trouble falling asleep. And to have to do it a few times every night means I'm only sleeping for an hour or two at a time, averaging maybe 4 hrs total for the night.
And after so many weeks of this, I feel like it's really catching up with me. I get up in the morning in such a horrible mood, with very little patience. And Kyle's in a horrible mood because he's also somewhat sleep-deprived. And the day starts off with so many kid "chores" (diapers, getting dressed, getting breakfast, brushing teeth/hair, etc). And Kyle just fusses, whines, and generally drives me crazy through all of it. Such is life.
And unrelated, although somewhat relevant...I ordered Kyle a bed (just a twin mattress and boxspring) yesterday, and some truck bedding to go along with it. I think he'll do fine with the transition from the crib. And he will now be able to get all the tissues he wants in the night without my assistance! But I will now be stripping a bed instead of crib when he wakes up soaked. We'll see how it all plays out, but I really, really hope our nights improve soon.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Fun Family Visit
We had a great visit today with Nonnie, Great Grampy, Grammy, and especially Auntie Jayne and Amresh, who drove about 7 hours round trip from NYC to see us! And I'd be remiss if I didn't mention "Uncle Grape"...not sure who that is but Kyle had lots to say about him...apparently he's one of his favorite uncles :)
Friday, March 16, 2012
Luke's First Day of "School"
Not to be outdone by Kyle's school picture, here is Luke on his first day of "school" yesterday, wearing Kyle's backpack and feeling very cool :)
He now has two mornings of daycare (or "Luke's school" as we're calling it, so that he feels cool like his big bro) under his belt and seems to like it. Miss Laurie reported that he's been a good boy, although at times seemed a bit overwhelmed by the "rock star" treatment he's gotten for being the new kid on the block.
Yesterday he played a lot with Braden and Greg, who are both about his age. And today Miss Laurie said he was gravitating toward Chloe, who is also about his age. Love that he has all these little friends (and girlfriend?!).
Not to be outdone by Kyle, he came home with his first art project yesterday :)
And today he came home sporting a "Little Leprechaun Luke" hat :)
I'm so happy that he seems to like it, and I must say that I have thoroughly enjoyed my first taste of being in the house kid-free! I've had two very productive mornings, and look forward to more of them going forward (Tues and Thurs next week). It's amazing how much you can get done with a guaranteed block of almost 3 kid-free hrs!!
And a quick Kyle update, I think he is finally getting close to potty training. He is now very aware/uncomfortable when his diaper is wet and doesn't want to sit down. And he has even pooped on command (in his diaper) for me a couple times. And for the first time ever, he said he wanted to sit on the potty (which he often says) but actually followed through and DID sit and "try". I've been telling him that we'll be out of diapers in April and that he'll have to use the potty then. And he seems to be on board with that..."in March I just try, but in April I'll have to use the potty and get to wear big boy underwear". So he can talk the talk, but time will tell if he'll be able to walk the walk!
He now has two mornings of daycare (or "Luke's school" as we're calling it, so that he feels cool like his big bro) under his belt and seems to like it. Miss Laurie reported that he's been a good boy, although at times seemed a bit overwhelmed by the "rock star" treatment he's gotten for being the new kid on the block.
Yesterday he played a lot with Braden and Greg, who are both about his age. And today Miss Laurie said he was gravitating toward Chloe, who is also about his age. Love that he has all these little friends (and girlfriend?!).
Not to be outdone by Kyle, he came home with his first art project yesterday :)
And today he came home sporting a "Little Leprechaun Luke" hat :)
I'm so happy that he seems to like it, and I must say that I have thoroughly enjoyed my first taste of being in the house kid-free! I've had two very productive mornings, and look forward to more of them going forward (Tues and Thurs next week). It's amazing how much you can get done with a guaranteed block of almost 3 kid-free hrs!!
And a quick Kyle update, I think he is finally getting close to potty training. He is now very aware/uncomfortable when his diaper is wet and doesn't want to sit down. And he has even pooped on command (in his diaper) for me a couple times. And for the first time ever, he said he wanted to sit on the potty (which he often says) but actually followed through and DID sit and "try". I've been telling him that we'll be out of diapers in April and that he'll have to use the potty then. And he seems to be on board with that..."in March I just try, but in April I'll have to use the potty and get to wear big boy underwear". So he can talk the talk, but time will tell if he'll be able to walk the walk!
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
School Picture and Kid Update
I had absolutely NO expectations for Kyle's school picture, especially after his teacher told me that the photo session interrupted his snack...that poor photographer!! But I absolutely LOVE this picture!! It is definitely my current favorite of him. I took a picture of it, so it's a little distorted but gives you the idea...
In other kid news, Kyle started going full days at preschool last Thursday. His IEP team felt that he would benefit from the one-on-one time that a full day could offer. So he is in the same class in the morning, without aids. And then he's in a small special ed class in the afternoon with a one-on-one aid, to work on his social skills. His teachers have reported good progress over the last couple weeks, so hopefully that continues. And (knock on wood) he has handled the transition to "double school" fine. But it's a long day (the bus gets him at 8:30 and drops him off around 3), so he comes home pretty tired/grumpy. But I am very happy that he's getting these extra services and am hopeful that his good progress continues.
And in Luke news, he has become a little parrot, repeating anything and everything anyone else says! And without my prompting, he has taken to saying "help please" (in his super-sweet little voice) when he needs help...very polite little 1 year old :) He has also started answering any and all questions (whether they are directed at him or not!) with "yah", and he is very good at recognizing questions vs statements. I just love watching his language blossom!
And now that Kyle is going to "double school", Luke is without his buddy for those four days. So I have been searching for some sort of social activity for him (because he definitely likes being around other kids). But there's not too much out there for 1 year olds. So I decided to send him to a daycare a couple mornings a week (from 9 to 12). And a childhood acquaintance Laurie (who I am friends with on Facebook) runs a center out of her home about 3 minutes down the road. I checked it out yesterday and loved it!
There are a few other kids Luke's age, a nice outside play area, and overall a very fun/nurturing environment. And as an added bonus, Laurie's husband was laid off last year and has been home ever since helping her (apparently they are fine financially). So I absolutely love that there will be a guy around, since Luke has virtually no exposure to males. And I just get such warm, kid-loving vibes from Laurie on Facebook (and also when I talked to her in person yesterday)...she has 3 boys of her own and just really loves kids. So I feel really good about this and am also VERY excited to have these kid-free windows of time in the house. It will help from a work standpoint. But I'm getting my job done right now without this time, so I hope to use at least some of the time to run kid-free errands and get stuff done around the house. Thursday will be his first day, and I think it will be a win-win for both of us!
In other kid news, Kyle started going full days at preschool last Thursday. His IEP team felt that he would benefit from the one-on-one time that a full day could offer. So he is in the same class in the morning, without aids. And then he's in a small special ed class in the afternoon with a one-on-one aid, to work on his social skills. His teachers have reported good progress over the last couple weeks, so hopefully that continues. And (knock on wood) he has handled the transition to "double school" fine. But it's a long day (the bus gets him at 8:30 and drops him off around 3), so he comes home pretty tired/grumpy. But I am very happy that he's getting these extra services and am hopeful that his good progress continues.
And in Luke news, he has become a little parrot, repeating anything and everything anyone else says! And without my prompting, he has taken to saying "help please" (in his super-sweet little voice) when he needs help...very polite little 1 year old :) He has also started answering any and all questions (whether they are directed at him or not!) with "yah", and he is very good at recognizing questions vs statements. I just love watching his language blossom!
And now that Kyle is going to "double school", Luke is without his buddy for those four days. So I have been searching for some sort of social activity for him (because he definitely likes being around other kids). But there's not too much out there for 1 year olds. So I decided to send him to a daycare a couple mornings a week (from 9 to 12). And a childhood acquaintance Laurie (who I am friends with on Facebook) runs a center out of her home about 3 minutes down the road. I checked it out yesterday and loved it!
There are a few other kids Luke's age, a nice outside play area, and overall a very fun/nurturing environment. And as an added bonus, Laurie's husband was laid off last year and has been home ever since helping her (apparently they are fine financially). So I absolutely love that there will be a guy around, since Luke has virtually no exposure to males. And I just get such warm, kid-loving vibes from Laurie on Facebook (and also when I talked to her in person yesterday)...she has 3 boys of her own and just really loves kids. So I feel really good about this and am also VERY excited to have these kid-free windows of time in the house. It will help from a work standpoint. But I'm getting my job done right now without this time, so I hope to use at least some of the time to run kid-free errands and get stuff done around the house. Thursday will be his first day, and I think it will be a win-win for both of us!
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Two Years
My final conversation, laugh, hug, and kiss with Jared all feel like a lifetime ago. It seems impossible that it has been just two years. After college, time started going by very quickly, with the years kind of running together without much to define them. But not these two last years. That happy life I once had feels like such a distant almost surreal memory now. It's hard to remember how genuinely happy, content, and secure I felt. But I know I did. And I know that I recognized/appreciated it every single day.
Despite having another year under my belt, my emotions of grief and sadness are still very consuming, with it all still boiling down to the very simple "I just plain miss him". What I wouldn't give to have one more conversation with him. To reflect on our life. To share thoughts on our boys. To hear his perspective on death. As stupid as it sounds, I want to know that he's okay with death. Something that continues to haunt me is thinking how he left to play basketball that night, completely (and blissfully) unaware that his life was about to end. I can barely see the screen through my tears as I type this. I just truly hope that he has some higher purpose in this world and is at peace with that.
I could go on and on with a two year reflection. But I feel like it's all just the same old story, with time not really changing how I feel yet. So I'll end by sharing a very bittersweet new nightly ritual. After I read the boys a story and put Luke to bed, I snuggle with Kyle in his room in the dark for a few minutes. We start by playing the "today I liked..." game, where we go back and forth saying something we liked about the day (Kyle's are usually food-related, surprise surprise). And then completely out of the blue one night he started saying in his very sweet little voice "Daddy lives in heaven....he loves me so much...and he loves Luke...". Hearing him say those things, which he does almost every night now, just absolutely breaks my heart and brings me to tears. But at the same time I absolutely love that he seems to feel Jared's presence with us when we're snuggling, which is so fitting and appropriate.
We will always love you Jared, and I am thrilled that it seems you are finding ways for our boys to feel your love. Hopefully the line between the living and the dead is much blurrier than we think.
Despite having another year under my belt, my emotions of grief and sadness are still very consuming, with it all still boiling down to the very simple "I just plain miss him". What I wouldn't give to have one more conversation with him. To reflect on our life. To share thoughts on our boys. To hear his perspective on death. As stupid as it sounds, I want to know that he's okay with death. Something that continues to haunt me is thinking how he left to play basketball that night, completely (and blissfully) unaware that his life was about to end. I can barely see the screen through my tears as I type this. I just truly hope that he has some higher purpose in this world and is at peace with that.
I could go on and on with a two year reflection. But I feel like it's all just the same old story, with time not really changing how I feel yet. So I'll end by sharing a very bittersweet new nightly ritual. After I read the boys a story and put Luke to bed, I snuggle with Kyle in his room in the dark for a few minutes. We start by playing the "today I liked..." game, where we go back and forth saying something we liked about the day (Kyle's are usually food-related, surprise surprise). And then completely out of the blue one night he started saying in his very sweet little voice "Daddy lives in heaven....he loves me so much...and he loves Luke...". Hearing him say those things, which he does almost every night now, just absolutely breaks my heart and brings me to tears. But at the same time I absolutely love that he seems to feel Jared's presence with us when we're snuggling, which is so fitting and appropriate.
We will always love you Jared, and I am thrilled that it seems you are finding ways for our boys to feel your love. Hopefully the line between the living and the dead is much blurrier than we think.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Fun Visit with Nonnie!
We had a nice visit with Nonnie today. As usual, she came bearing fun little gifts for the kids, an airplane for Kyle and a bulldozer for Luke. We all (adults included) especially enjoyed the toy airplane...when you pull it backward, it shoots forward with its propeller spinning, nose lifting. The first time I did it, I thought it was actually going to takeoff!
Once the novelty of the cool airplane wore off a bit, the boys had fun playing outside in the wonderfully-snowless-in-February backyard with Nonnie. Isn't this just the best winter ever?! Luke's new favorite thing when he's outside is watching his shadow (and saying "shadow" over and over again until someone acknowledges it)...very cute, as is almost everything about little Pooks :)
Then it was inside for pizza. Kyle has been talking about that for the last few days because that's our lunch tradition when Nonnie visits...veggie Kashi frozen pizza which Kyle thinks is a HUGE "special treat". Clearly that boy doesn't get out much.
And the highlight of the day for me (other than seeing Nonnie of course) was the fact that Kyle actually slept during his afternoon "nap" today!! Probably only about 20 minutes, but those little power naps usually reset him into sleeping a bit later in the morning. Hopefully that holds true. So for a brief, wonderful window this afternoon, I had the pleasure of flipping back and forth on my baby monitor and seeing two sleeping boys. At the same time! Ahhh, I could get used to that...
And I had been promising all sorts of things to Kyle when he actually sleeps during his nap (usually he just mills around in his crib for about 5 minutes, yells that he has a poop, I change his diaper, he mills around another 10 minutes or so while I eat my lunch, and then he starts yelling and I get him before he wakes up Luke).
So today, I paid out on these nap promises that I had been making. The highlight for Kyle was a Cars puzzle he had picked out on Amazon a few weeks ago, that I told him the UPS man would deliver when he sleeps during a nap. He was super excited to see it! And up until now, he has only done 24 piece puzzles. This one is 46 pieces, and he put it together all by himself fairly easily, although it took him about 20 minutes instead of only 5 minutes like with his smaller ones. As you can see in the picture, he was so proud when he finished :)
Once the novelty of the cool airplane wore off a bit, the boys had fun playing outside in the wonderfully-snowless-in-February backyard with Nonnie. Isn't this just the best winter ever?! Luke's new favorite thing when he's outside is watching his shadow (and saying "shadow" over and over again until someone acknowledges it)...very cute, as is almost everything about little Pooks :)
Then it was inside for pizza. Kyle has been talking about that for the last few days because that's our lunch tradition when Nonnie visits...veggie Kashi frozen pizza which Kyle thinks is a HUGE "special treat". Clearly that boy doesn't get out much.
And the highlight of the day for me (other than seeing Nonnie of course) was the fact that Kyle actually slept during his afternoon "nap" today!! Probably only about 20 minutes, but those little power naps usually reset him into sleeping a bit later in the morning. Hopefully that holds true. So for a brief, wonderful window this afternoon, I had the pleasure of flipping back and forth on my baby monitor and seeing two sleeping boys. At the same time! Ahhh, I could get used to that...
And I had been promising all sorts of things to Kyle when he actually sleeps during his nap (usually he just mills around in his crib for about 5 minutes, yells that he has a poop, I change his diaper, he mills around another 10 minutes or so while I eat my lunch, and then he starts yelling and I get him before he wakes up Luke).
So today, I paid out on these nap promises that I had been making. The highlight for Kyle was a Cars puzzle he had picked out on Amazon a few weeks ago, that I told him the UPS man would deliver when he sleeps during a nap. He was super excited to see it! And up until now, he has only done 24 piece puzzles. This one is 46 pieces, and he put it together all by himself fairly easily, although it took him about 20 minutes instead of only 5 minutes like with his smaller ones. As you can see in the picture, he was so proud when he finished :)
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Diaper Rash and Super Bowl
Over the last week or so, Luke has developed a HORRIBLE diaper rash. His poor little bum is all raw and bleeding :( And unfortunately, it coincides with (or was caused by) him now pooping 5-6 times per day, when he had been down to a more reasonable 3 per day before. So his bum never gets a break from the irritation of poop and wipes, and any benefit of the "bum cream" is quickly negated by the next poop. Poop little guy :(
Needless to say, it is REALLY hard to change his diapers because it hurts him so much that he keeps trying to get away. And he's very strong! It brings back such vivid memories of Kyle right around when Jared died. He had an equally bad rash that just went on FOREVER, made worse by the fact that Kyle would constantly claw at it (queue the "hand socks"). Fortunately Luke isn't doing that...yet.
And then it occurred to me that Luke is the exact age, to the day, that Kyle was when he last saw Jared. Luke still seems like such a baby to me, which sort of makes me feel better about Kyle's stage in life when it happened. He really was just a baby. And in some ways, I think parenting without Jared will feel a little less sad going forward now...all of Luke's stages and milestones up to this point have so vividly reminded me of Jared and I going through them together with Kyle. Now all new "kid stuff" will have only been experienced by me alone, and won't trigger any memories.
I do have the Super Bowl on right now. When I let myself get at all into it, I just start crying and feel so sad...I can hear exactly what Jared would be saying, and picture his concentration/facial expression as he'd watch. Patriots football was by far his #1 sports passion, and football in general was absolutely his favorite sport to watch/analyze/discuss. So now I have the game on mute and will do work, laundry, etc while keeping tabs on it. This is literally the first game I've tried to watch since he died, and I guess it proves that I am still a long ways off from being able to enjoy sports again. Watching/following sports was literally my one and only hobby, so there is definitely a void in that department.
And while my heart isn't into the game today, I still wanted to dress the boys appropriately, in case the Pats win the first championship of their lifetime tonight. So here they are, looking absolutely thrilled..go Pats!
Needless to say, it is REALLY hard to change his diapers because it hurts him so much that he keeps trying to get away. And he's very strong! It brings back such vivid memories of Kyle right around when Jared died. He had an equally bad rash that just went on FOREVER, made worse by the fact that Kyle would constantly claw at it (queue the "hand socks"). Fortunately Luke isn't doing that...yet.
And then it occurred to me that Luke is the exact age, to the day, that Kyle was when he last saw Jared. Luke still seems like such a baby to me, which sort of makes me feel better about Kyle's stage in life when it happened. He really was just a baby. And in some ways, I think parenting without Jared will feel a little less sad going forward now...all of Luke's stages and milestones up to this point have so vividly reminded me of Jared and I going through them together with Kyle. Now all new "kid stuff" will have only been experienced by me alone, and won't trigger any memories.
I do have the Super Bowl on right now. When I let myself get at all into it, I just start crying and feel so sad...I can hear exactly what Jared would be saying, and picture his concentration/facial expression as he'd watch. Patriots football was by far his #1 sports passion, and football in general was absolutely his favorite sport to watch/analyze/discuss. So now I have the game on mute and will do work, laundry, etc while keeping tabs on it. This is literally the first game I've tried to watch since he died, and I guess it proves that I am still a long ways off from being able to enjoy sports again. Watching/following sports was literally my one and only hobby, so there is definitely a void in that department.
And while my heart isn't into the game today, I still wanted to dress the boys appropriately, in case the Pats win the first championship of their lifetime tonight. So here they are, looking absolutely thrilled..go Pats!
Saturday, January 28, 2012
We get to go to Tewksbury!
The boys had a great visit today with Nonnie, Great Grampy, Uncle Mike and Emily! Kyle has been talking all week about how we get to go to Tewksbury on Saturday, "to see Great Grampy, and Nonnie, and maybe Uncle Mike, and maybe Emily", and it all came to fruition today :) It was warm enough that we played outside for a little, kicking/throwing the ball around and watching the cars go by.
We then hung out inside. Luke had fun looking at his picture books with Uncle Mike and Nonnie, and then standing up on the coffee table like a "hot shot". And Kyle very much enjoyed Emily shelling pistachios for him to eat :) Emily tried to entice him to ride on Great Grampy's stair-chairlift, but Kyle found the whole thing a bit sketchy and very decisively said he didn't want to. On the way home, I asked Kyle what he liked best about the visit and he said "Nonnie" :)
And the other highlight of our day was a fun Skype session with Auntie Jayne! It was great to have a little virtual tour of her apartment and hear all about the wonderful and meaningful work that she is doing on the reservation...we're so proud of you Auntie Jayne :)
We then hung out inside. Luke had fun looking at his picture books with Uncle Mike and Nonnie, and then standing up on the coffee table like a "hot shot". And Kyle very much enjoyed Emily shelling pistachios for him to eat :) Emily tried to entice him to ride on Great Grampy's stair-chairlift, but Kyle found the whole thing a bit sketchy and very decisively said he didn't want to. On the way home, I asked Kyle what he liked best about the visit and he said "Nonnie" :)
And the other highlight of our day was a fun Skype session with Auntie Jayne! It was great to have a little virtual tour of her apartment and hear all about the wonderful and meaningful work that she is doing on the reservation...we're so proud of you Auntie Jayne :)
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Pictures
I finally felt ready and that the time was right to introduce the boys to pictures of Jared. And the photo blocks that I made them for Christmas were my planned way of doing it. Whether right or wrong, I have held off until now because I was so afraid of Kyle recognizing him and wondering where Daddy was and why he was gone, before his little brain could actually comprehend the concept of death.
And I knew in reality Kyle would only remember him from pictures anyway, so I didn't feel like anything would be lost by holding out until now. But I also wanted them to be young enough that it's a "fact" that they grow up knowing, instead of a shocking revelation when they are old enough to actually understand. So I just try to stick with a simple, canned statement when we look at pictures of him, that "Daddy died and lives in heaven way up in the sky, and he loves us all very much even though we can't see him". I am bawling as I type that and can't yet say it to them without crying. And can't have them point to a picture and say "Daddy" without crying. But it's a start. And I hung an 8x10 picture of him on the wall in the family room last week, which makes me feel like he's right there watching over us.
The words sound so disproportionately simple, but I just miss him so, so much and miss sharing every aspect of my life with him. And seeing all the buzz on Facebook about the Patriots is something right now that really hits home, knowing how we would be counting down the minutes to these exciting playoff games together. I haven't watched a single sports game in the almost 2 years since he died. At this point I could handle it from a sadness standpoint. But I now realize that I have lost my passion for sports. I so miss sharing the passion with him, but in no way do I miss actually watching the games themselves. There is nothing preventing me from watching. But like basically everything else I enjoyed in life, I enjoyed watching/following sports because we did it together. My happiness was just truly 100% centered around him and I really struggle to have fun without him.
I try to be positive, but lately that has felt easier said than done. Life just continues to feel so hard, lonely, and sad. And issues with the kids just make everything feel that much harder. Like Kyle had two nights in a row this week where he was awake and yelling throughout the entire night (and on the 2nd night of this, I think I literally didn't sleep at all, for possibly the first time ever). He now has a cold, which hopefully was the root cause of that awfulness. And for the last couple weeks, he's been back to waking in the mid-5's in the morning yelling that he's wet. And very wet he and his jammies/sheets are, which I just don't understand because I literally give him about an inch of milk from noon on. So I have no idea where all this pee comes from and of course I worry about it. And I hate waking for good so early every day to such unpleasant circumstances. Going through nights/mornings like that alone, and just feeling like there is no one else who really knows/understands my life, is hard.
And while I try to focus on the positives with Luke's feeding, it can still be so discouraging. He will now eat yogurt and pureed baby food (Stage 2 jars) pretty easily, which is a HUGE improvement from the antics/energy/time/sanity that used to be required. So I am now trying to add some textured foods (Stage 3 jars), since that is the next step he should be making. He has made progress in that now he now tries to swallow chunky puree (instead of just letting it sit in his mouth), but it always triggers a gag reflex. I have learned that scaring/startling him is effective barf-prevention when he gags. But the chunky foods seem to trigger a stronger gag reflex because he has thrown up 4 out of the last 5 times I have fed him. And the giant, waterproof "barf bib" was not able to contain the last couple, which means a huge post-barf cleanup was required (Luke, me, floor, nearby toys, and worst of all the high chair, with all its straps and crevices). It is just so demoralizing and really zaps my motivation to keep forging ahead with these feeding steps. But I have to just hope and pray that he simply learns how to eat one of these days, and that there is no underlying condition causing all of these issues.
But in general the boys are both doing well. Some highlights...Kyle can now successfully close his Curious George jack-in-the-box, which is a little tricky because you have to stuff Curious George in, close the lid, and turn the knob all simultaneously until it clicks shut. Yay Kyle! And yay Mommy not having to do it for him anymore! He is also a whiz with his 24 pc puzzles, and really enjoys doing them. And Luke just keeps trying to do/say more things, and thinks he's pretty cool while doing them :) He tested ahead of his age in all categories (language, fine/gross motor, cognitive, etc) last week during his 6 month Early Intervention re-evaluation, which was great to hear. Except feeding of course...he tested around 10 months for that so he continues to qualify for services.
And I decided to give them both haircuts yesterday (saving me the time/hassle of bringing them to Snip-its). Doing this on no sleep probably wasn't the best idea, but they came out okay considering. Not a great picture, but this gives you an idea...
And I knew in reality Kyle would only remember him from pictures anyway, so I didn't feel like anything would be lost by holding out until now. But I also wanted them to be young enough that it's a "fact" that they grow up knowing, instead of a shocking revelation when they are old enough to actually understand. So I just try to stick with a simple, canned statement when we look at pictures of him, that "Daddy died and lives in heaven way up in the sky, and he loves us all very much even though we can't see him". I am bawling as I type that and can't yet say it to them without crying. And can't have them point to a picture and say "Daddy" without crying. But it's a start. And I hung an 8x10 picture of him on the wall in the family room last week, which makes me feel like he's right there watching over us.
The words sound so disproportionately simple, but I just miss him so, so much and miss sharing every aspect of my life with him. And seeing all the buzz on Facebook about the Patriots is something right now that really hits home, knowing how we would be counting down the minutes to these exciting playoff games together. I haven't watched a single sports game in the almost 2 years since he died. At this point I could handle it from a sadness standpoint. But I now realize that I have lost my passion for sports. I so miss sharing the passion with him, but in no way do I miss actually watching the games themselves. There is nothing preventing me from watching. But like basically everything else I enjoyed in life, I enjoyed watching/following sports because we did it together. My happiness was just truly 100% centered around him and I really struggle to have fun without him.
I try to be positive, but lately that has felt easier said than done. Life just continues to feel so hard, lonely, and sad. And issues with the kids just make everything feel that much harder. Like Kyle had two nights in a row this week where he was awake and yelling throughout the entire night (and on the 2nd night of this, I think I literally didn't sleep at all, for possibly the first time ever). He now has a cold, which hopefully was the root cause of that awfulness. And for the last couple weeks, he's been back to waking in the mid-5's in the morning yelling that he's wet. And very wet he and his jammies/sheets are, which I just don't understand because I literally give him about an inch of milk from noon on. So I have no idea where all this pee comes from and of course I worry about it. And I hate waking for good so early every day to such unpleasant circumstances. Going through nights/mornings like that alone, and just feeling like there is no one else who really knows/understands my life, is hard.
And while I try to focus on the positives with Luke's feeding, it can still be so discouraging. He will now eat yogurt and pureed baby food (Stage 2 jars) pretty easily, which is a HUGE improvement from the antics/energy/time/sanity that used to be required. So I am now trying to add some textured foods (Stage 3 jars), since that is the next step he should be making. He has made progress in that now he now tries to swallow chunky puree (instead of just letting it sit in his mouth), but it always triggers a gag reflex. I have learned that scaring/startling him is effective barf-prevention when he gags. But the chunky foods seem to trigger a stronger gag reflex because he has thrown up 4 out of the last 5 times I have fed him. And the giant, waterproof "barf bib" was not able to contain the last couple, which means a huge post-barf cleanup was required (Luke, me, floor, nearby toys, and worst of all the high chair, with all its straps and crevices). It is just so demoralizing and really zaps my motivation to keep forging ahead with these feeding steps. But I have to just hope and pray that he simply learns how to eat one of these days, and that there is no underlying condition causing all of these issues.
But in general the boys are both doing well. Some highlights...Kyle can now successfully close his Curious George jack-in-the-box, which is a little tricky because you have to stuff Curious George in, close the lid, and turn the knob all simultaneously until it clicks shut. Yay Kyle! And yay Mommy not having to do it for him anymore! He is also a whiz with his 24 pc puzzles, and really enjoys doing them. And Luke just keeps trying to do/say more things, and thinks he's pretty cool while doing them :) He tested ahead of his age in all categories (language, fine/gross motor, cognitive, etc) last week during his 6 month Early Intervention re-evaluation, which was great to hear. Except feeding of course...he tested around 10 months for that so he continues to qualify for services.
And I decided to give them both haircuts yesterday (saving me the time/hassle of bringing them to Snip-its). Doing this on no sleep probably wasn't the best idea, but they came out okay considering. Not a great picture, but this gives you an idea...
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Spring Day!
A 55 degree day in January? Yes please!! Days like this really make the winter bearable. And I love the fact that we're already well into January without having had any real hardcore winter or snow (except the Halloween storm, which doesn't really count since that was still autumn). I'm sure we'll still get hammered the next couple months, but the longer we go like this, the shorter winter feels.
And it's funny how 55F in January feels like about 70F...had all the windows open (while still running the heat, of course), went for a walk in flip flops without a jacket (don't worry, kids wore jackets), neighbors were out doing yard work, etc.
And this was the first walk with the boys where Luke walked too! And walk he did. For those that know my street, he walked from our house all the way to Fort Sumter like a big boy and LOVED it! That's over 1/3 of a mile (or about 1.3 times around a track...not bad for a little guy!). The reason he hasn't walked outside before is because I just got his "outdoor shoes" this week (he only had his Robeez slipper-shoes until now).
After the walk, we played in the backyard for a while and Luke just loved roaming around exploring. I really look forward to this upcoming spring...it will be so much more fun to be outside with the boys now that Luke doesn't have to be strapped into something. Wait, what am I saying...
And it's funny how 55F in January feels like about 70F...had all the windows open (while still running the heat, of course), went for a walk in flip flops without a jacket (don't worry, kids wore jackets), neighbors were out doing yard work, etc.
And this was the first walk with the boys where Luke walked too! And walk he did. For those that know my street, he walked from our house all the way to Fort Sumter like a big boy and LOVED it! That's over 1/3 of a mile (or about 1.3 times around a track...not bad for a little guy!). The reason he hasn't walked outside before is because I just got his "outdoor shoes" this week (he only had his Robeez slipper-shoes until now).
After the walk, we played in the backyard for a while and Luke just loved roaming around exploring. I really look forward to this upcoming spring...it will be so much more fun to be outside with the boys now that Luke doesn't have to be strapped into something. Wait, what am I saying...
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