The boys and I crashed Grammy's birthday lunch with Ca, Alex and Rachel at Unos today! I decided last minute that we'd join them, much to Grammy's surprise. I ordered Kyle's pizza ahead of time as "to go", so it was ready when we got there to minimize his waiting-for-food tantrum. He loved his pizza, but no so much the carrot sticks I brought to keep him occupied afterward. And Luke had fun hanging out with the big kids (and really liked the fact that he didn't actually have to eat!).
Here are a few pictures of Grammy's birthday lunch. Note, these pictures do not include one of Luke's car door handle, which I somehow ripped completely off the car in the parking lot so had to load/unload him through Kyle's side (stopped at a repair shop on the way home and it's really broken...have to fix through Subaru...ugh).
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Nap & Poop Log
Those who know me well should not be surprised to learn that yes, I have been charting my boys' naps and poops for the last few weeks, trying to find/confirm correlation between the two. Yes, I am that nerdy. But the engineer in me is just always trying to find "root cause" for their poor napping, despite my VERY rigid/consistent attempts to right the ship. Well, the root cause is VERY obvious...as I suspected, it is poops!
I have 23 days worth of data. Of Luke's 46 nap attempts (one in the morning and one in the afternoon), he napped 28 out of 46 times. And of those 18 non-naps, he had a poop 16 out of 18 times! And of the 28 naps that he took, he had ZERO poops! VERY obvious trend here. If he poops after I put him down, he won't fall asleep. If he doesn't poop, he will.
Now for Kyle. And he's had a cold for the last 1.5 weeks, so I'm lumping needing a tissue in with poops for him. Out of his 23 afternoon nap attempts, he napped 7 times (with no poops or nose issues). And of the 16 non-naps, he had a poop 10 times and needed his leaking-faucet nose repeatedly wiped the other 6.
So again, the root cause is quite obvious...if they have a poop (or a leaky faucet nose), they will NOT nap. If they don't, they will. So the obvious solution seems to be to check them for a poop (and squirt crazy glue up their nose) if they're not asleep after 15 minutes or so and change them if they do...I have tried this with both of them, but it seems to reset them...me coming in with the light on and changing a diaper makes them think naptime is over. So that hasn't worked.
So while the root cause of not napping is quite obvious, it does not explain how ridiculously untimely/unsynced they are with their non-naps (from a selfish Mommy standpoint of SOOOO wanting a little quiet, kid-free break during the day). And why they have to poop so often at the beginning of their naps?! On the mornings that Kyle is at school, I have the potential for a little break. Kyle had school 12 of the 23 mornings. And of those 12 days, I exercised 5 of them so those don't count since basically the whole Kyle-free window is spent exercising/showering. So of the 7 school/non-exercise mornings, Luke only napped 1 day (had poops the other 6)! And then for the afternoon naps, of Luke's 17 and Kyle's 7 naps, they did not overlap once, meaning Kyle napped on the same 7 afternoons that Luke did not...crazy! So of these 23 days, I only got a true nap break once (or actually twice, because Grammy took Kyle one afternoon and Luke napped). I know I sound like such a "poor me" loser. But I just feel like the potential is there, but poops and awful timing prevent it from happening.
Not getting a daily nap break from them was much harder to accept when they were 2 and "0", because it seemed like I "should" given their ages. But now that Kyle's 3, it is psychologically a little easier to accept because I know not all 3 years olds take naps. But it's still hard because they are both at such physically demanding, very dependent stages in terms of dressing/feeding/diapers/etc, that it feels like they are still "babies" and therefore should be napping better.
So now that you know WAY more than you'd ever want to about my boys' pooping habits, I guess this rambling, not-interesting-to-anyone-but-me post can be summed up very succinctly...I have CRAPPY NAPPERS, literally! So my new thing is to either put on my industrial earphones or turn on the microwave exhaust fan when I put them down for their afternoon nap, to try to drown out whatever yelling/crying is occurring while I wolf down my lunch and coffee. Oh, and if anyone is interested, over those 23 days, Kyle averaged 3.8 poops/day and Luke 4.3. So that's over 8 poopy diapers I'm changing per day. And Luke REFUSES to lie on his back for diapers, and it's a big game for Kyle teasing me and then running away when I try to change him (and he's showing NO potty interest/readiness yet). So not only is it very gross/frequent, but very challenging/frustrating to boot. Fun! Must look into ways to constipate my children... ;)
Let's see, since this post seems to be a negative one, what else can I complain about. Oh yeah, Luke is IMPOSSIBLE to get into his carseat these days! Kyle never went through that phase, but I had heard/read about it. He just becomes an absolute wild man, arching/twisting/bending to try to prevent me from strapping him in. And on Kyle's 4 school days, I get to strap him in FOUR times in a 2.5 hr span! If only they had a pre-preschool program, where I could drop Luke off for those 2 hrs too! Or at least a drive-through dropoff/pickup for Kyle.
And an update on another challenging Luke situation...a speech therapist came with Luke's Early Intervention OT yesterday and observed his eating. After seeing how he barely opens his mouth, doesn't really chew, and lets finger food just sit in his mouth instead of swallowing, she estimated that he's eating at about an 8 month level (and he's 14 months). So that at least validated my incredible frustration with feeding him, and how far off independent eating feels right now. She didn't really have any answers though, just that he seems to have low tone and to try to stimulate the mouth/facial muscles. Not sure how to do that, but I guess I'll look into it and add it to the to-do list. I go back to the feeding clinic with him in a few weeks and hopefully they will have some answers/solutions. It's just been SUCH a long 14 month struggle to nourish him, with no real end in sight. But he is making progress and I need to just focus on that. And she did think he was within the realm of normal (on the low end) for his "speech"...no words yet but she said he's making some good sounds which is encouraging. And his receptive language (and desire to learn) seems to be taking off, which is great to see!
I am constantly reminded by friends/family (and I fully know) that these are just tough ages regardless, even under the best of circumstances. And I 100% know that it would feel almost as hard even if Jared were here, because I wouldn't have the perspective that I have now. Although most of the daily kid "chores" would still largely fall on me, I'd get the little pick-me-up phone calls and emails during the day from him at work, and have the change of dynamics every night/weekend/vacation when he was home, and have his companionship/love/support/encouragement to look forward to each and every day. And help with the house upkeep. Not to mention the breaks from diapers, baths, the kid-free windows, getting to sleep-in occasionally, etc, etc. It would still feel very hard, but not in the lonely/overwhelming way it feels now.
What this all boils down to is that life continues to be very challenging on many levels. The basic challenge of raising our two little boys alone, paired with lots of worrying/managing their various developmental issues, all with the constant sadness of missing Jared and the happy, fulfilling life we shared. It would be easy to say that I didn't know how good I had it. But I absolutely DID know how good I had it and I recognized and appreciated our happy marriage every single day. I think that only makes it harder. In some ways, the true root cause of all of life's challenges right now is just how much I miss Jared, and miss sharing our life/children together, both the good times as well as the challenges. If Jared were here, all the other challenges/difficulties would remain. But tackling them as a team would make all the difference in the world.
Wow, this really did end up being a rambling post. I guess sometimes it helps to put all these feelings down into words. And the pickings were slim, but here are a few recent pics of the boys for you...
I have 23 days worth of data. Of Luke's 46 nap attempts (one in the morning and one in the afternoon), he napped 28 out of 46 times. And of those 18 non-naps, he had a poop 16 out of 18 times! And of the 28 naps that he took, he had ZERO poops! VERY obvious trend here. If he poops after I put him down, he won't fall asleep. If he doesn't poop, he will.
Now for Kyle. And he's had a cold for the last 1.5 weeks, so I'm lumping needing a tissue in with poops for him. Out of his 23 afternoon nap attempts, he napped 7 times (with no poops or nose issues). And of the 16 non-naps, he had a poop 10 times and needed his leaking-faucet nose repeatedly wiped the other 6.
So again, the root cause is quite obvious...if they have a poop (or a leaky faucet nose), they will NOT nap. If they don't, they will. So the obvious solution seems to be to check them for a poop (and squirt crazy glue up their nose) if they're not asleep after 15 minutes or so and change them if they do...I have tried this with both of them, but it seems to reset them...me coming in with the light on and changing a diaper makes them think naptime is over. So that hasn't worked.
So while the root cause of not napping is quite obvious, it does not explain how ridiculously untimely/unsynced they are with their non-naps (from a selfish Mommy standpoint of SOOOO wanting a little quiet, kid-free break during the day). And why they have to poop so often at the beginning of their naps?! On the mornings that Kyle is at school, I have the potential for a little break. Kyle had school 12 of the 23 mornings. And of those 12 days, I exercised 5 of them so those don't count since basically the whole Kyle-free window is spent exercising/showering. So of the 7 school/non-exercise mornings, Luke only napped 1 day (had poops the other 6)! And then for the afternoon naps, of Luke's 17 and Kyle's 7 naps, they did not overlap once, meaning Kyle napped on the same 7 afternoons that Luke did not...crazy! So of these 23 days, I only got a true nap break once (or actually twice, because Grammy took Kyle one afternoon and Luke napped). I know I sound like such a "poor me" loser. But I just feel like the potential is there, but poops and awful timing prevent it from happening.
Not getting a daily nap break from them was much harder to accept when they were 2 and "0", because it seemed like I "should" given their ages. But now that Kyle's 3, it is psychologically a little easier to accept because I know not all 3 years olds take naps. But it's still hard because they are both at such physically demanding, very dependent stages in terms of dressing/feeding/diapers/etc, that it feels like they are still "babies" and therefore should be napping better.
So now that you know WAY more than you'd ever want to about my boys' pooping habits, I guess this rambling, not-interesting-to-anyone-but-me post can be summed up very succinctly...I have CRAPPY NAPPERS, literally! So my new thing is to either put on my industrial earphones or turn on the microwave exhaust fan when I put them down for their afternoon nap, to try to drown out whatever yelling/crying is occurring while I wolf down my lunch and coffee. Oh, and if anyone is interested, over those 23 days, Kyle averaged 3.8 poops/day and Luke 4.3. So that's over 8 poopy diapers I'm changing per day. And Luke REFUSES to lie on his back for diapers, and it's a big game for Kyle teasing me and then running away when I try to change him (and he's showing NO potty interest/readiness yet). So not only is it very gross/frequent, but very challenging/frustrating to boot. Fun! Must look into ways to constipate my children... ;)
Let's see, since this post seems to be a negative one, what else can I complain about. Oh yeah, Luke is IMPOSSIBLE to get into his carseat these days! Kyle never went through that phase, but I had heard/read about it. He just becomes an absolute wild man, arching/twisting/bending to try to prevent me from strapping him in. And on Kyle's 4 school days, I get to strap him in FOUR times in a 2.5 hr span! If only they had a pre-preschool program, where I could drop Luke off for those 2 hrs too! Or at least a drive-through dropoff/pickup for Kyle.
And an update on another challenging Luke situation...a speech therapist came with Luke's Early Intervention OT yesterday and observed his eating. After seeing how he barely opens his mouth, doesn't really chew, and lets finger food just sit in his mouth instead of swallowing, she estimated that he's eating at about an 8 month level (and he's 14 months). So that at least validated my incredible frustration with feeding him, and how far off independent eating feels right now. She didn't really have any answers though, just that he seems to have low tone and to try to stimulate the mouth/facial muscles. Not sure how to do that, but I guess I'll look into it and add it to the to-do list. I go back to the feeding clinic with him in a few weeks and hopefully they will have some answers/solutions. It's just been SUCH a long 14 month struggle to nourish him, with no real end in sight. But he is making progress and I need to just focus on that. And she did think he was within the realm of normal (on the low end) for his "speech"...no words yet but she said he's making some good sounds which is encouraging. And his receptive language (and desire to learn) seems to be taking off, which is great to see!
I am constantly reminded by friends/family (and I fully know) that these are just tough ages regardless, even under the best of circumstances. And I 100% know that it would feel almost as hard even if Jared were here, because I wouldn't have the perspective that I have now. Although most of the daily kid "chores" would still largely fall on me, I'd get the little pick-me-up phone calls and emails during the day from him at work, and have the change of dynamics every night/weekend/vacation when he was home, and have his companionship/love/support/encouragement to look forward to each and every day. And help with the house upkeep. Not to mention the breaks from diapers, baths, the kid-free windows, getting to sleep-in occasionally, etc, etc. It would still feel very hard, but not in the lonely/overwhelming way it feels now.
What this all boils down to is that life continues to be very challenging on many levels. The basic challenge of raising our two little boys alone, paired with lots of worrying/managing their various developmental issues, all with the constant sadness of missing Jared and the happy, fulfilling life we shared. It would be easy to say that I didn't know how good I had it. But I absolutely DID know how good I had it and I recognized and appreciated our happy marriage every single day. I think that only makes it harder. In some ways, the true root cause of all of life's challenges right now is just how much I miss Jared, and miss sharing our life/children together, both the good times as well as the challenges. If Jared were here, all the other challenges/difficulties would remain. But tackling them as a team would make all the difference in the world.
Wow, this really did end up being a rambling post. I guess sometimes it helps to put all these feelings down into words. And the pickings were slim, but here are a few recent pics of the boys for you...
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Rail Trail with Nonnie
We had a fun visit with Nonnie today. We went for a 2+ mile "hike" on the rail trail, and Kyle showed Nonnie the ropes...the 2 bridges, log pile, all the benches, and his favorite rock. I didn't take the double stroller, so I used pizza as a motivator for Kyle on the walk back to the car (in the interest of time, he usually walks the mile out to the 2nd ridge and then rides in the stroller on the way back). It was slow going at times but he's a little trooper (and really wanted pizza!).
And I got yet ANOTHER picture of Kyle that I really like...2 in less than a week! I guess the key is to plunk him on a bench on the rail trail :) And speaking of pictures, the reflectors on Luke's stroller really wreaked havoc on my photo attempts! You'll see it in some that I posted, but the reflection was WAY worse in a lot of the others, completely "whiting out" half the picture! I guess I should have turned the flash off...
And I got yet ANOTHER picture of Kyle that I really like...2 in less than a week! I guess the key is to plunk him on a bench on the rail trail :) And speaking of pictures, the reflectors on Luke's stroller really wreaked havoc on my photo attempts! You'll see it in some that I posted, but the reflection was WAY worse in a lot of the others, completely "whiting out" half the picture! I guess I should have turned the flash off...
Monday, October 10, 2011
Our "Nutshells"
Just thought I'd write an update with "our nutshells", which was Jared's cute/quaint expression when summing something up..."and that's my nutshell", instead of "in a nutshell" :)
KYLE'S NUTSHELL:
Kyle is definitely enjoying school, and his teacher reports that he is making progress in terms of joining the class activities with less prompting. So that's encouraging. I have an IEP progress meeting next week with his team and will be very interested to hear their observations/recommendations.
He had his 3 year well visit a couple weeks ago and it went well. He was around the 90th percentile for both height and weight, and he also got his flu and chicken pox shots while we were there. He was a good boy with all the waiting (probably because I let him play with my iPhone the whole time!).
And as an extension of the "Uncle Mike" joke, his new thing is making jokes about who is who...Benson is Kyle, Mommy is Grammy, Nonnie is Grampa, etc, etc. I just LOVE seeing him be silly and hearing him laugh. Hopefully there will be more and more of that in the near future.
LUKE'S NUTSHELL:
I can summarize Pooks in two words...pure joy. I know I am biased, but he is just the sweetest, happiest, most adorable little creature in the world :) He is my little "sonshine" and I could just gobble him up! I love Kyle every bit as much as him, but Luke is just at a very fun age...everything is exciting to him and he doesn't have that edge/attitude yet (and hopefully never will!).
He has started trying to take some steps, and is very proud of himself when he does. If I say "do your walking", he'll let go of whatever he's holding onto and take a couple steps before doing a faceplant. Unlike cautious Kyle, Luke has absolutely no fear (which can be good and bad). It's like it doesn't even occur to him that he can't really walk yet when he tries, and it doesn't phase him when he falls. I think real walking is still a ways off, but when he's physically ready, he'll take off with no fear!
And I feel like he's blossoming developmentally in a lot of areas. He likes looking at books now and is learning to recognize some of the pictures, like car and ball. And he points to the pictures using both his index and middle finger...those are the two fingers that he's sucked since he was a newborn and I guess he thinks they are a package deal...adorable :) And he'll "dance" on command (i.e. bounce up and down while holding onto something) and giggle as he's doing it. He will also try to repeat more sounds/words now, including "apple" (in honor of Steve Jobs?). And whenever he does something that he's proud of (which is quite often...as Grammy says, he has a very good opinion of himself!), he will also look for a reaction and praise. While rubbing his feet together like a little cricket, because that's what he does when he's happy/proud :)
And last but not least, what would a blog post be without a Luke feeding update. Only this time, it will be slightly positive! My new schedule with him is to do high calorie (mixing a jar with formula/cereal) breakfast and dinner, and then focus lunch more on self-feeding. And I must say, it is pretty tolerable! Granted, that is largely due to the fact that Grammy is feeding him dinner most nights. But he seems to take his high-calories meals more easily (not thrilled about it, but will tolerate it with enough antics/distractions). And he is making some progress with finger foods, seeming more excited about feeding himself and getting better at swallowing. I did take him to a pediatric GI doctor, to rule out any kind of GERD issue that could be causing all his eating difficulties. He didn't see anything obvious but ordered a modified barium swallow test (to rule out any physical causes) and prescribed an antacid (as a trial, to see if things improved). For now, after reading up on it, I don't think I am going to do either one of those. He seems to be making progress, I am able to maintain his weight, he's growing well in length, and he's very happy, sleeps well and never seems in pain. So I'd rather not subject him to radiation for a test that he may very well not cooperate for anyway. I'm still thinking about trying the Prilosec, but for now I'm holding off.
MY NUTSHELL:
My nutshell is a direct reflection of their nutshells. Luke's progress with eating is HUGE and really has improved the quality of my life. While I still dread feeding him, I don't feel like I'm going to lose my mind during it! So that's progress. Oh, and something I should have included in Kyle's nutshell is the fact that he's sleeping until 6:30/6:45 every morning now...hooray!! Just in time for "fall back" :( What a difference that extra hour makes though...getting up at 5:30 with a soaking wet, grumpy, demanding little boy was NOT a good way to start the day.
Since Jared died, I have found it very important to always have things on the calendar, to both look forward to and help break up the monotony. Along those lines, since I work from home on a flex schedule (meaning I work 7 days a week so the days seem to just run together), I like having things that make each day feel a little different. Kyle's school schedule helps...that defines Tues-Fri. And I have also found that exercising helps too. Ever since Luke started sleeping through the night (i.e. I stopped waking him up to try to nurse him throughout the night!), I have been exercising 4 days a week and haven't yet missed a day! My "secret" is that I schedule the 4 days on my calendar at the beginning of each week, and that way it doesn't feel like an option to me. And the fact that my exercise bike is in my bedroom with a TV in front of it helps too...would be hard to make excuses! So that defines those days, and obviously I particularly like the feel of the 3 days that I DON'T exercise!
So those are our nutshells. I haven't been good about taking pictures recently, but I took some on our rail trail walk this afternoon. I especially like the one of Kyle leaning on the bench...it is SO hard to get a good picture of him so I treasure the good ones of him that much more!
KYLE'S NUTSHELL:
Kyle is definitely enjoying school, and his teacher reports that he is making progress in terms of joining the class activities with less prompting. So that's encouraging. I have an IEP progress meeting next week with his team and will be very interested to hear their observations/recommendations.
He had his 3 year well visit a couple weeks ago and it went well. He was around the 90th percentile for both height and weight, and he also got his flu and chicken pox shots while we were there. He was a good boy with all the waiting (probably because I let him play with my iPhone the whole time!).
And as an extension of the "Uncle Mike" joke, his new thing is making jokes about who is who...Benson is Kyle, Mommy is Grammy, Nonnie is Grampa, etc, etc. I just LOVE seeing him be silly and hearing him laugh. Hopefully there will be more and more of that in the near future.
LUKE'S NUTSHELL:
I can summarize Pooks in two words...pure joy. I know I am biased, but he is just the sweetest, happiest, most adorable little creature in the world :) He is my little "sonshine" and I could just gobble him up! I love Kyle every bit as much as him, but Luke is just at a very fun age...everything is exciting to him and he doesn't have that edge/attitude yet (and hopefully never will!).
He has started trying to take some steps, and is very proud of himself when he does. If I say "do your walking", he'll let go of whatever he's holding onto and take a couple steps before doing a faceplant. Unlike cautious Kyle, Luke has absolutely no fear (which can be good and bad). It's like it doesn't even occur to him that he can't really walk yet when he tries, and it doesn't phase him when he falls. I think real walking is still a ways off, but when he's physically ready, he'll take off with no fear!
And I feel like he's blossoming developmentally in a lot of areas. He likes looking at books now and is learning to recognize some of the pictures, like car and ball. And he points to the pictures using both his index and middle finger...those are the two fingers that he's sucked since he was a newborn and I guess he thinks they are a package deal...adorable :) And he'll "dance" on command (i.e. bounce up and down while holding onto something) and giggle as he's doing it. He will also try to repeat more sounds/words now, including "apple" (in honor of Steve Jobs?). And whenever he does something that he's proud of (which is quite often...as Grammy says, he has a very good opinion of himself!), he will also look for a reaction and praise. While rubbing his feet together like a little cricket, because that's what he does when he's happy/proud :)
And last but not least, what would a blog post be without a Luke feeding update. Only this time, it will be slightly positive! My new schedule with him is to do high calorie (mixing a jar with formula/cereal) breakfast and dinner, and then focus lunch more on self-feeding. And I must say, it is pretty tolerable! Granted, that is largely due to the fact that Grammy is feeding him dinner most nights. But he seems to take his high-calories meals more easily (not thrilled about it, but will tolerate it with enough antics/distractions). And he is making some progress with finger foods, seeming more excited about feeding himself and getting better at swallowing. I did take him to a pediatric GI doctor, to rule out any kind of GERD issue that could be causing all his eating difficulties. He didn't see anything obvious but ordered a modified barium swallow test (to rule out any physical causes) and prescribed an antacid (as a trial, to see if things improved). For now, after reading up on it, I don't think I am going to do either one of those. He seems to be making progress, I am able to maintain his weight, he's growing well in length, and he's very happy, sleeps well and never seems in pain. So I'd rather not subject him to radiation for a test that he may very well not cooperate for anyway. I'm still thinking about trying the Prilosec, but for now I'm holding off.
MY NUTSHELL:
My nutshell is a direct reflection of their nutshells. Luke's progress with eating is HUGE and really has improved the quality of my life. While I still dread feeding him, I don't feel like I'm going to lose my mind during it! So that's progress. Oh, and something I should have included in Kyle's nutshell is the fact that he's sleeping until 6:30/6:45 every morning now...hooray!! Just in time for "fall back" :( What a difference that extra hour makes though...getting up at 5:30 with a soaking wet, grumpy, demanding little boy was NOT a good way to start the day.
Since Jared died, I have found it very important to always have things on the calendar, to both look forward to and help break up the monotony. Along those lines, since I work from home on a flex schedule (meaning I work 7 days a week so the days seem to just run together), I like having things that make each day feel a little different. Kyle's school schedule helps...that defines Tues-Fri. And I have also found that exercising helps too. Ever since Luke started sleeping through the night (i.e. I stopped waking him up to try to nurse him throughout the night!), I have been exercising 4 days a week and haven't yet missed a day! My "secret" is that I schedule the 4 days on my calendar at the beginning of each week, and that way it doesn't feel like an option to me. And the fact that my exercise bike is in my bedroom with a TV in front of it helps too...would be hard to make excuses! So that defines those days, and obviously I particularly like the feel of the 3 days that I DON'T exercise!
So those are our nutshells. I haven't been good about taking pictures recently, but I took some on our rail trail walk this afternoon. I especially like the one of Kyle leaning on the bench...it is SO hard to get a good picture of him so I treasure the good ones of him that much more!
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