Weekends

Even though it's been almost 3 years, I feel like I'm still programmed to need or somehow expect "recharging" on the weekends. When Jared was alive, I used to SO look forward to them and truly cherished every minute of them...I got to hangout, talk, laugh, cuddle, and relax with my best friend 24-7. They were such a wonderful change of pace, with us taking turns being lazy, sleeping in, running kid-free errands, catching up on stuff around the house, playing games, watching sports/movies, special meals, etc. And best of all during our last 18 months together was sharing the indescribable joy/wonder/pride of being parents together (something I am ashamed to say I now struggle to feel). Weekends were truly rejuvenating, and I am now realizing just how important that is.

Now weekends couldn't be more opposite. In fact, I somewhat dread them and am usually happy when they're over. They just feel extra lonely, stressful, and exhausting, with our void magnified about 1000X when we're out on family outings (especially during the holidays). And of course weekends (or evenings for that matter) no longer provide any break from the "kid duties" (meals, diapers, baths, clean-ups, playing, etc), all while trying to stay on top of all the household chores, work, exercise, maintain my sanity, etc. How I wish my kids were the zone-out-in-front-of-the-TV type (just for small doses of course). But they most certainly are not!

But we got through another one. And I will continue to try to improve and recalibrate my outlook on life. I know I have a lot to be thankful for, and I really do try to focus on that. But it's still just really, really hard in so many ways.

On a happier note, the boys really enjoyed our outing today to the local Heifer International farm. They had sort of a holiday open house with hay rides, lots of animals, roasted chestnuts, Global Village walk, etc. Such a great place to visit, and learn about the wonderful work that they do for those less fortunate worldwide. And we brought canned goods, so I tried to explain to Kyle how some people are hungry all the time and don't have any food to eat, and that this farm and our canned goods help them. But he doesn't quite get it yet and said he wanted other people to stay hungry so we could keep our food ;) I only took a few pictures, but here they are, along with a few from Kyle's swim lesson...

PS: As you'll see in the pictures (especially from the rear view), I REALLY need to get Luke a new hat...his one from last year is REALLY small and looks REALLY funny :)