Saturday, December 25, 2010
Christmas 2010
Christmas was as good as it could be this year. I feel like I've just been going through the motions, basically trying to ignore the whole Christmas season. It used to be such a happy and joyous time, and now it just feels so sad and empty. One of my favorite things used to be sitting by the tree with Jared at night, with the lights out, talking and listening to Christmas music. I just miss so many little things like that about our life together. And this time of year is especially hard because everything feels so geared around families. I know that the three of us are still a family, but it's such a hard version of family to adjust to. I just miss Jared so, so much, and everything he represented in our family. He was truly the best husband and father, and those are voids that will never be filled. His presence was so overwhelmingly missed today.
But Kyle had a good day. He was very into the present-opening, although he's still too young to really "get it". Alex and Rachel definitely "got it" this year though, and it was fun watching their excitement and joy, and feeling that magic of the day. It provided a great preview of what I have to look forward to with my boys in a few years. But it also made me sad, knowing that I won't have Jared to share in that special joy. I so hope his spirit is able to feel the love and joy from our boys, but not the pain and sadness.
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4 comments:
I believe with all my heart that Jared's spirit is watching over his family and feeling the joy of Christmas. I went through the motions of Christmas this year finding it unbearably heartbreaking some of the time. My heart is with you, Jared and the boys. Jayne and I love you all so much. God bless you!
It was a tough, unreal day for all of us and I can completely empathize with not feeling excited about the holidays, which just doesn't seem fair. It was so nice to hear from you and the boys on Christmas, it really put a positive note on things. I am sure Jared is feeling every bit of joy that we all are feeling while admiring Kyle, Luke and each other.
I love the picture of the boys looking up from their stockings - they have the cutest look of awe on their faces. I also love the one of Kyle with his legs crossed going through his stocking! They must have been so much fun to watch! I can't wait to see them!!!
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