Very Frustrated

So nursing is supposed to be this wonderful, natural, healthy, mother/child bonding experience, right? That description couldn't be further from the truth with my children. Nursing Luke is just an absolute nightmare, and it seems to be getting worse even though he's almost 4 months old. He has the same issue Kyle had, where he swallows air, then I hear the air bubble go down, and then he writhes in pain and can't nurse (even after I get a burp out). This happens the majority of times that I (attempt to) nurse him. I'm sure the months of sleep deprivation make it seem worse, but it is just the most indescribably maddening/frustrating/exhausting experience. And obviously he's not gaining well because of this, which just adds to the overall awfulness.

I do get nice glimpses of what it "should" be like, and I do feel good about the health benefits that they've received from it. But overall, nursing has been a very negative experience for me. I just feel like so many things about my life HAVE to be hard right now, but this shouldn't be one of them.

Fortunately though, he's making progress in the bottle department. He's taken one from Grammy the last few nights (only about 3 oz each though, and tonight he refused it altogether). So he's certainly not at a point where I can wean him, but hopefully he'll get there soon. I absolutely can't wait to be done with nursing forever. It will be VERY emotionally liberating, and I also look forward to eating/drinking whatever I want (I've been pregnant and/or nursing continuously for the last 3 years). Enough venting...Luke is such a cute, sweet, happy and most importantly HEALTHY baby. He'd be so easy if I never had to feed him!

On a happier note, Kyle had fun with his cousins today, decorating the tree and making Christmas cookies with Grammy! I'm so thankful that Kyle has his cousins to play with and look up to, and to put him in his place from time to time :)