Weaning Woes

So Luke is most definitely weaning himself. Except for once or twice in the middle of the night when he's half asleep, he now cries and turns away as soon as we assume the nursing position and won't do it at all. For the last week, he literally hasn't nursed at all between the hours of 4am and 10pm. Weaning at this point would be great, because nursing him has been pretty much a nightmare since Day 1. But there's one problem...he's weaning himself to nothing. He won't take a bottle or sippy cup. And the bulk of his calories at this age should still be breastmilk/formula (24-32 oz/day...he's probably getting about 12 oz total, between the night feedings and cereal mixed with breastmilk/formula during the day).

I've even been pumping to try to entice him with a familiar taste in the cup (and to keep up my supply for the middle of the night feedings, since that is currently my only means of hydrating him). But he just wants nothing to do with it. It's ironic, because he wants to suck on anything/everything (fingers, toys, books, my face, etc) EXCEPT for anything that contains fluid. Tonight before bed, I spent about 45 minutes working with him on a sippy cup...and after all that, he had taken a whopping 1/2 ounce.

I know everyone thinks I'm overreacting and being over-dramatic about this, and that there should be some easy solution. But there's not. It truly consumes every ounce of emotional energy (and time) that I have. It is just an indescribably frustrating, exhausting, upsetting, defeating feeling to not be able to adequately nourish my baby, and to worry about the effects it's having on his long-term growth/development. And it just feels that much more impossible going through it alone. I miss Jared's emotional support so much, especially when dealing with issues surrounding our boys. There is no doubt that if he were here, he would just take charge of this transition to a cup so that I could get some much-needed separation from it. He was so patient and capable, and just overall much better equipped to handle stuff like this than I am.

I did talk to the UMASS pediatric feeding clinic again and they told me I can ramp up the solids to try to at least compensate for some of the calories and try to boost his weight gain a bit. I was happy to hear this because he's been doing better with solids (jars, yogurt, cereal). But they still stressed the importance of fluids, although didn't have any magic solutions. So I will just keep working on it with him and hope that he eventually gives in to dehydration. I ordered a bunch more different types of sippy cups to try too. We shall see. Hopefully my next post will have some good news to report, like that he's drinking 30 oz of formula from a sippy cup every day and sleeping through the night. Very wishful thinking. I know I sound like a negative loser about this, but it's just really, really hard.

Kyle demanded a "photo shoot" tonight with Luke, and of the 50ish pictures I took, this is the only one where all 4 of their eyes are open and they look reasonably happy/normal. It always strikes me in pictures of them together how VERY different they look from each other. I can't say that I see any resemblance whatsoever...very different hair, eyes, mouths, ears, head shape, etc. But they certainly do love each other. And Kyle certainly is ALL Jared :)