Kyle and Luke's Birthday Party!

Kyle and Luke had a great time celebrating their birthdays yesterday! We had all ages represented, ranging from 1 to two very spry 88 year olds. Kyle and Luke didn't seem at all overwhelmed by the crowd (24 was the final headcount) and appeared to enjoy all the commotion and attention. And of course all the wonderful presents!

But for the 3rd straight year, Kyle found the whole cake presentation very upsetting. But UNLIKE the last two years, he went to town on it and enjoyed every last bite! As expected (because it's food and all), Luke just liked smearing around the frosting, not actually eating it. Although he did put his finger in his mouth ONCE, after I did myself and then said "you do it". But that was it. Yay Pooks!

Thanks to all who helped make the day so special...my boys and I are very blessed to have so many wonderful, caring people in our lives.

PS: I apologize to anyone who used the kids' bathroom at the end of the hall and endured a horrible smell...I had their dirty diaper bag in there and forget to take it out before the party. Sorry! Thanks Aunt Ca for noticing and remedying the situation :)

First Day of School!

Today was Kyle's first day of preschool! He will be going 4 mornings a week (Tues - Fri from 9 - 11:20) on an IEP for his social/communication delays. I really like the school/people and am hopeful that things will start to "click" for him, and that he'll let loose and learn that it's fun to talk/play with other kids!

According to his teacher, he had a good first day. About 45 minutes after I dropped him off though, the phone rang and caller ID showed "Wachusett Regional". So of course my heart sank and I thought something was wrong. But it was just the preschool director calling to give me a little update and tell me that he was doing well (after she said who she was, she immediately said that Kyle was fine...I must have sounded worried when I answered!). I thought that call was a really nice gesture, especially since it was my first time leaving him anywhere with "strangers".

Kyle said he likes the "new school", and likes Miss Pam (his teacher), but the popsicle for snack was "too cold" (the teacher said he battled through it though and ate about half of it...what a trooper!). So I think preschool will be a really good thing for him and he will hopefully benefit from the highly educated/specialized staff there.

These "happy" kid milestone days are still just so hard/sad, not having Jared here to share them with. Between this and their birthdays, it's a tough stretch. I just miss him so much, and really, really miss being parents together. I know I've probably said it a lot, but sharing the parenting experience with him was truly the most joyful, gratifying experience of my life. I love my kids more than anything in the world, but parenting can now feel very lonely and overwhelming. I continue to take life one day at a time though and try not to look ahead too much. Looking back over the last year and a half is helpful though, recognizing that life sure is a lot easier than it was this time last year.

As for Luke, no big news in his world. Still doesn't like to eat (and he went to the extreme of vomiting his lunch up for Grammy today to get his point across). But he's still the cutest/happiest baby :) He had his 12 month check-up a few weeks ago and it went pretty well. He's about 80th percentile for length but only about 30th for weight. They like for these percentiles to be much closer, but at least he's growing well in length and has maintained the 30th(ish) for weight ever since he dropped down there around 4 months old. I have scheduled another appt at the UMASS Feeding Clinic, as he is not making much progress with finger foods. He'll put most anything in his mouth and chew, but for some reason doesn't want to swallow and just lets the food sit there.

I just hope and pray I look back at all of these feeding challenges a year from now and have a happy, healthy little 2 year old who eats/drinks willingly and gains weight normally. One other Lukey Pooks tidbit is that I started bathing him in the full bathtub (not his baby tub) a few weeks ago. He really likes splashing around in there but also likes leaning forward and putting his face in/drinking the water...hopefully the novelty of that wears off soon!

And a brothers tidbit...a sweet little "game" has developed between Kyle and Luke. I now put Luke in the Pack 'n Play after meals (so if he spits up, it's contained and not on the rug). And Luke discovered that it's fun to throw his toys out of the Pack 'n Play onto the floor, knowing Kyle will pick them up for him. And sure enough, Kyle runs over saying "he needs help" and hands the toys back to him. Very cute :)

Here are some pictures of Kyle's first day, as well as some other recent ones...

Hardy Visit

We had a great visit yesterday afternoon with the Hardy clan! Luke and Matthew were able to strengthen their BFF status, and Kyle had fun playing on his "little tiny playground" with Kaelyn and Madelyn. But what Kyle REALLY enjoyed was the pizza (he ate 3 slices, according to a somewhat appalled Kaelyn). Such a cute, sweet little crew, those Hardy kids. And of course Er too, who Kyle was very clearly calling "Erica". Not sure where that came from, because I NEVER call her that, except of course when we're in a huge fight ;)

Happy 1st Birthday Pooks!

Hard to believe, but my sweet little Pooks turned 1 today! I got him a small cake, mostly for Kyle's benefit since he now "gets" that you have cake on birthdays, and he also (FINALLY) gets that cake is yummy. So unlike his last 2 birthdays, Kyle will actually be eating his birthday cake this year!

As you can see in the pictures (thanks to Grammy for being the photographer), Luke loved smearing it all around and getting good and messy. He did try a little bit but was definitely more interested in playing with it than eating it.

Kyle sang to him at various times today. But the best was this morning...I usually send Kyle into Luke's room when he first wakes up and he sings "Good Morning to Lukey Pookie". But this morning he went in, turned on the light, and sang "Happy Birthday". Luke was so happy and I WISH I had gotten a video of this sweet little exchange, but of course I didn't :(

Happy, happy birthday my sweet little boy...you are such a joy and blessing :)

My Hero, My Savior, My Mommy

Yes, my mom has TRULY been my savior these last few weeks. And as I blogged last night for the first time in almost a month, I realized how long overdue this post is. As anyone knows who has had even a casual conversation with me recently, feeding Luke is VERY challenging. He just REALLY does not like to eat. And of all the difficulties in my life, this is the one thing that was really pushing me to a bad place. It was starting to adversely affect my parenting as a whole, not to mention my overall sanity.

So that's where Grammy stepped in, or I should say "stepped up". For the last few weeks, most days Grammy has been feeding Luke BOTH lunch and dinner! And she has had great success, almost always getting his whole meal in him. But this (along with the pictures below of him looking super-happy about eating) is very misleading. While Grammy does have a wonderful knack for keeping his meals light and fun, it is VERY hard work. It requires a constant barrage of "props" (things to distract him such as extra spoons, wax paper, lids, etc) and other silly antics, all while defending against his trademark spoon swipe and (albeit playfully) swiping at her face!

Her help has given me one of the hugest lifts possible. And as a result, I feel like I have been a much better mom to both Kyle and Luke. And Luke is definitely getting WAY more much-needed calories in him than if I were going it alone, because I was just running out of the time/patience/energy required to get through each meal, and I was beginning to feel like it was just an impossible task (I have quite seriously compared Grammy's feeding heroics to summiting Mount Everest!).

So thank you, thank you, THANK YOU Grammy. All three of us are in a much better place because of your VERY much appreciated efforts :)

Fun with Nonnie

Kyle and Luke had a great visit with Nonnie today. My boys are very blessed to have two fun, healthy, young-at-heart, loving grandmothers in their lives :)

HBN!! (Happy Birthday Nonnie)

We had a nice visit with Nonnie today. Kyle didn't give her the warmest of greetings though...he promptly demanded a timeout (as he does when things don't go his way), and then he told her to go play with Luke. But he quickly snapped out of it when Nonnie gave him some new sailboats for his water table, which he had fun "capsizing". And Luke didn't require any warming up...he was all smiles right when he saw her :)

And Nonnie's birthday is Friday, so Kyle and I have been talking about it a lot, and singing the Happy Birthday song, and talking about how we'd have cake, which Kyle was very excited about! But when push came to shove, he couldn't pull the trigger...he demanded a timeout instead of eating cake. He did eventually sing to Nonnie as she ate her cake and he drank some water.

After dinner, both boys enjoyed Nonnie pushing them in their swings, and Kyle (and especially Benson!) liked having her read a few bedtime stories. Oh, and the big news is that Nonnie got 4, yes 4, bites of food in Luke tonight...yipee! And I'm not being sarcastic...this was quite an accomplishment with the way his feedings went today. Let's just say that he definitely burned more calories fighting the food than he took in today. And there's even proof of Nonnie's feat, as you'll see in the pictures...

What's Been Happening...

So here's a little update on what's been happening around here lately. First Kyle. His big excitement the last few weeks was the arrival of his new swingset (or "little tiny playground" as he calls it). He definitely likes it, but in typical Kyle fashion hasn't really "let loose" with it yet. He likes playing in his "downstairs fort", and he'll go down the slide (but in a very cautious/weird/sideways position), and he LOVES when I push him and Luke next to eachother in the swings. He also really likes playing with his water table, and pushing around his new lawnmower, and just running around the yard now that we have grass!

Overall, I feel like I'm in a somewhat better place with him these days. I've really tried to find effective tools/strategies to fend off those awful, miserable spells he was having. One thing that has definitely helped is the new timer I bought...it's an old-school 60 minute analog timer that turns red when you move the timer hand (so if you set it for 20 minutes, the space between 0 and 20 would be red). I primarily use this for meals, like when he'd be demanding dinner at 4:15. I now have something tangible to default to instead of "too early"...now I can say "dinner when the red is all gone". And he definitely understands the concept of it and likes watching the red get smaller and smaller. So that's the scoop with Kyle. And his favorite activity is still "playing" with Luke :)

Now for Luke. I'll start with the negative, which I'm sure you have already guessed. He just REALLY does not like to eat or drink! I'll try to leave it at that, but it is just so hard and feels like it consumes my entire life...I'm always either trying to feed him, or trying to think of new ways to interest him in eating. But he does show some preferences, which is a good thing. And contrary to what I would expect, he definitely prefers non-sweet food...he takes the veggie/meat jars much easier these days than he takes the sweet fruit ones. And even though he isn't 12 months yet, I have started trying to give him cow's milk. I talked to the nutritionist and for the few ounces that he may drink a day, she said it's absolutely fine. And I'm encouraged because he actually seems to like milk, even though he doesn't drink very much of it (probably only 3ish ounces the entire day). Maybe he knows he's not one yet and shouldn't have it so is holding back :)

And as of about a month ago, my illustrious nursing career came to a merciful end! He clearly wanted to be done with it months ago, but I was still waking him up a couple times at night to do it (when he was too half-asleep to realize what he was doing). I kept this up because it was the only way he'd get liquids (other than through food). But it got to the point where he was barely taking any so it just didn't feel worth interrupting both our night sleeps for it. And once I stopped, he started sleeping 12 hrs straight through at night (as he's probably wanted to do for a while). And I'm actually able to get a pretty normal night's sleep now too, which is WONDERFUL!

I did have Luke evaluated by Early Intervention a couple weeks ago for his eating issues and overall slightly delayed development. And he does qualify for services, although they felt he was within the realm of normal for everything which was good to hear (I had also brought him to the UMASS Pediatric Feeding Clinic last month where a team of specialist observed him and they saw no physical/developmental issues that could be causing his eating issues, with was also great to hear). So anyway, an OT with feeding experience has been assigned to him through Early Intevention, and I'm REALLY hoping she can help us move forward with the eating/drinking.

But Luke is certainly moving forward with everything else on his own! He sits up well now, readily goes from sitting to crawling and vice versa, and is becoming more vocal. He's also been getting up on his knees a lot lately, wanting to stand. And as of today (on our Skype with Nonnie), he is pretty regularly pulling himself up to standing! I looked back in my journal and this is basically the same age as Kyle was when he started pulling himself up (Luke might have him beat by a couple weeks). I think Kyle was probably stronger at his age, but Luke is definitely more motivated! I call him my little rascal. When he wants something, he finds a way to get it, and he has a good nose for what he shouldn't have and that's what he goes for! But he is just so darn cute :)

Here are some pictures from the last few weeks...

Father's Day

The concept of Father's Day breaks my heart, as it seems to throw in my face all that my boys are missing out on in life, growing up without a father. And it also breaks my heart thinking of the 50+ years of being a dad that Jared was robbed of. He truly loved and appreciated being a dad more than anyone, and was so good at it. It just breaks my heart beyond words thinking of all that he and our boys will never experience in life. But I am so happy that he did get to experience those 1.5 yrs of being a dad, and had the thrill of knowing our second child was on the way, and got to enjoy one Father's Day as a dad. Needless to say, today had the makings of being a pretty down day. But I had a few nice surprises that provided some much-needed lifts.

First, I had a great chat with Ca, hearing all about their fun week in Nantucket. Chats with Ca always brighten my day :) And then Grammy and Nance stopped over after a walk, and Grammy fed Luke his lunch (while Nance played with Kyle and I watered my planting beds). This gave me a much-needed break from that whole feeding nightmare! And Grammy had a MUCH easier time with it than I've been having...I tried her "vitamin bottle trick" at dinner and also had a much easier time...hopefully we're on to something!

And then Er and adorable baby Matthew (Luke's BFF, who is just 1 month younger than he) stopped over for a fun little surprise visit and brought yummy eggplant parm and pasta salad for dinner, which was a wonderful and unexpected treat. As you'll see in the photos, Kyle enjoyed the visit too and wanted in on the baby action, rolling/crawling/snuggling with them :) In one of the pictures, it looks like Er is even trying to show them a few moves! Visits with Er also always brighten my day :)

I took the boys to the cemetery this afternoon after their naps. I don't really feel like Jared is any more physically there than anywhere else, but I like that there's a tangible place I can bring our boys to help provide a connection to their wonderful father as they grow up. Kyle liked putting pine cones, sticks, leaves and rocks on the "special stone". Hopefully Jared was able to feel our infinite love and appreciation today. And I also hope my dad felt our presence and love there today too...he sacrificed so much to make the best life possible for his family, which epitomizes what it means to be a dad.

PS: And for those who are wondering, Kyle slept until 5:20am this morning, not 7am :( And his late night seems to have screwed him up a bit, as he was still in there fussing almost two hours after I put him down tonight, which is very out of character. I've already been in there a couple times :(

Fun Dinner Visit

We had a nice visit today with Nonnie, Auntie Jayne, Great Grampy and Uncle Mike, eating dinner outside at Great Grampy's country club. Kyle's highlights included: trying to stuff an entire dinner roll in his mouth in one bite, eating in general, checking out all the golfcarts ("like that golfcart"), escaping into the ceremony area of an outdoor wedding that was underway, walking around with Nonnie, and did I mention eating?

Luke's at a tough age for excursions like this, because he doesn't really like sitting or being held but there's no place for him to crawl around. And we all know that occupying him with eating/drinking is out of the question, so he was a little antsy but overall did well. He especially liked hanging out with his Auntie Jayne :) And I especially liked Auntie Jayne hanging out with him while I ate my meal :)

It was already past their bedtime by the time we left, and Kyle's overtiredness definitely caught up with him on the drive home. Despite having his video on, he just kept REPEATEDLY screaming/crying about the same very irrational things: "want breakfast", "want Luke on rug", and lots of "want to go back to that [fill in the blank...yellow car, big truck, bulldozer, bridge, or whatever else we happened to pass on the highway that he wanted to see more of]". Luke kept trying to doze but was continuously jolted out of sleep by Kyle's yelling.

So by the time I got Luke fed (an abridged version of his dinner because I didn't have the usual 1+ hr to feed him!) and got them ready for bed, it was 8:30, which is a full two hours past their usual bedtime. So of course this means that Kyle's normal (horrible!) 5am wake-up time will be 7am tomorrow morning, right? I wish, but for some reason with kids (or at least my kids), late to bed usually means up even earlier. But it sure would be wonderful if he proved me wrong tomorrow!