Fun with Nonnie

Kyle and Luke had a great visit with Nonnie today. My boys are very blessed to have two fun, healthy, young-at-heart, loving grandmothers in their lives :)

HBN!! (Happy Birthday Nonnie)

We had a nice visit with Nonnie today. Kyle didn't give her the warmest of greetings though...he promptly demanded a timeout (as he does when things don't go his way), and then he told her to go play with Luke. But he quickly snapped out of it when Nonnie gave him some new sailboats for his water table, which he had fun "capsizing". And Luke didn't require any warming up...he was all smiles right when he saw her :)

And Nonnie's birthday is Friday, so Kyle and I have been talking about it a lot, and singing the Happy Birthday song, and talking about how we'd have cake, which Kyle was very excited about! But when push came to shove, he couldn't pull the trigger...he demanded a timeout instead of eating cake. He did eventually sing to Nonnie as she ate her cake and he drank some water.

After dinner, both boys enjoyed Nonnie pushing them in their swings, and Kyle (and especially Benson!) liked having her read a few bedtime stories. Oh, and the big news is that Nonnie got 4, yes 4, bites of food in Luke tonight...yipee! And I'm not being sarcastic...this was quite an accomplishment with the way his feedings went today. Let's just say that he definitely burned more calories fighting the food than he took in today. And there's even proof of Nonnie's feat, as you'll see in the pictures...

What's Been Happening...

So here's a little update on what's been happening around here lately. First Kyle. His big excitement the last few weeks was the arrival of his new swingset (or "little tiny playground" as he calls it). He definitely likes it, but in typical Kyle fashion hasn't really "let loose" with it yet. He likes playing in his "downstairs fort", and he'll go down the slide (but in a very cautious/weird/sideways position), and he LOVES when I push him and Luke next to eachother in the swings. He also really likes playing with his water table, and pushing around his new lawnmower, and just running around the yard now that we have grass!

Overall, I feel like I'm in a somewhat better place with him these days. I've really tried to find effective tools/strategies to fend off those awful, miserable spells he was having. One thing that has definitely helped is the new timer I bought...it's an old-school 60 minute analog timer that turns red when you move the timer hand (so if you set it for 20 minutes, the space between 0 and 20 would be red). I primarily use this for meals, like when he'd be demanding dinner at 4:15. I now have something tangible to default to instead of "too early"...now I can say "dinner when the red is all gone". And he definitely understands the concept of it and likes watching the red get smaller and smaller. So that's the scoop with Kyle. And his favorite activity is still "playing" with Luke :)

Now for Luke. I'll start with the negative, which I'm sure you have already guessed. He just REALLY does not like to eat or drink! I'll try to leave it at that, but it is just so hard and feels like it consumes my entire life...I'm always either trying to feed him, or trying to think of new ways to interest him in eating. But he does show some preferences, which is a good thing. And contrary to what I would expect, he definitely prefers non-sweet food...he takes the veggie/meat jars much easier these days than he takes the sweet fruit ones. And even though he isn't 12 months yet, I have started trying to give him cow's milk. I talked to the nutritionist and for the few ounces that he may drink a day, she said it's absolutely fine. And I'm encouraged because he actually seems to like milk, even though he doesn't drink very much of it (probably only 3ish ounces the entire day). Maybe he knows he's not one yet and shouldn't have it so is holding back :)

And as of about a month ago, my illustrious nursing career came to a merciful end! He clearly wanted to be done with it months ago, but I was still waking him up a couple times at night to do it (when he was too half-asleep to realize what he was doing). I kept this up because it was the only way he'd get liquids (other than through food). But it got to the point where he was barely taking any so it just didn't feel worth interrupting both our night sleeps for it. And once I stopped, he started sleeping 12 hrs straight through at night (as he's probably wanted to do for a while). And I'm actually able to get a pretty normal night's sleep now too, which is WONDERFUL!

I did have Luke evaluated by Early Intervention a couple weeks ago for his eating issues and overall slightly delayed development. And he does qualify for services, although they felt he was within the realm of normal for everything which was good to hear (I had also brought him to the UMASS Pediatric Feeding Clinic last month where a team of specialist observed him and they saw no physical/developmental issues that could be causing his eating issues, with was also great to hear). So anyway, an OT with feeding experience has been assigned to him through Early Intevention, and I'm REALLY hoping she can help us move forward with the eating/drinking.

But Luke is certainly moving forward with everything else on his own! He sits up well now, readily goes from sitting to crawling and vice versa, and is becoming more vocal. He's also been getting up on his knees a lot lately, wanting to stand. And as of today (on our Skype with Nonnie), he is pretty regularly pulling himself up to standing! I looked back in my journal and this is basically the same age as Kyle was when he started pulling himself up (Luke might have him beat by a couple weeks). I think Kyle was probably stronger at his age, but Luke is definitely more motivated! I call him my little rascal. When he wants something, he finds a way to get it, and he has a good nose for what he shouldn't have and that's what he goes for! But he is just so darn cute :)

Here are some pictures from the last few weeks...

Father's Day

The concept of Father's Day breaks my heart, as it seems to throw in my face all that my boys are missing out on in life, growing up without a father. And it also breaks my heart thinking of the 50+ years of being a dad that Jared was robbed of. He truly loved and appreciated being a dad more than anyone, and was so good at it. It just breaks my heart beyond words thinking of all that he and our boys will never experience in life. But I am so happy that he did get to experience those 1.5 yrs of being a dad, and had the thrill of knowing our second child was on the way, and got to enjoy one Father's Day as a dad. Needless to say, today had the makings of being a pretty down day. But I had a few nice surprises that provided some much-needed lifts.

First, I had a great chat with Ca, hearing all about their fun week in Nantucket. Chats with Ca always brighten my day :) And then Grammy and Nance stopped over after a walk, and Grammy fed Luke his lunch (while Nance played with Kyle and I watered my planting beds). This gave me a much-needed break from that whole feeding nightmare! And Grammy had a MUCH easier time with it than I've been having...I tried her "vitamin bottle trick" at dinner and also had a much easier time...hopefully we're on to something!

And then Er and adorable baby Matthew (Luke's BFF, who is just 1 month younger than he) stopped over for a fun little surprise visit and brought yummy eggplant parm and pasta salad for dinner, which was a wonderful and unexpected treat. As you'll see in the photos, Kyle enjoyed the visit too and wanted in on the baby action, rolling/crawling/snuggling with them :) In one of the pictures, it looks like Er is even trying to show them a few moves! Visits with Er also always brighten my day :)

I took the boys to the cemetery this afternoon after their naps. I don't really feel like Jared is any more physically there than anywhere else, but I like that there's a tangible place I can bring our boys to help provide a connection to their wonderful father as they grow up. Kyle liked putting pine cones, sticks, leaves and rocks on the "special stone". Hopefully Jared was able to feel our infinite love and appreciation today. And I also hope my dad felt our presence and love there today too...he sacrificed so much to make the best life possible for his family, which epitomizes what it means to be a dad.

PS: And for those who are wondering, Kyle slept until 5:20am this morning, not 7am :( And his late night seems to have screwed him up a bit, as he was still in there fussing almost two hours after I put him down tonight, which is very out of character. I've already been in there a couple times :(

Fun Dinner Visit

We had a nice visit today with Nonnie, Auntie Jayne, Great Grampy and Uncle Mike, eating dinner outside at Great Grampy's country club. Kyle's highlights included: trying to stuff an entire dinner roll in his mouth in one bite, eating in general, checking out all the golfcarts ("like that golfcart"), escaping into the ceremony area of an outdoor wedding that was underway, walking around with Nonnie, and did I mention eating?

Luke's at a tough age for excursions like this, because he doesn't really like sitting or being held but there's no place for him to crawl around. And we all know that occupying him with eating/drinking is out of the question, so he was a little antsy but overall did well. He especially liked hanging out with his Auntie Jayne :) And I especially liked Auntie Jayne hanging out with him while I ate my meal :)

It was already past their bedtime by the time we left, and Kyle's overtiredness definitely caught up with him on the drive home. Despite having his video on, he just kept REPEATEDLY screaming/crying about the same very irrational things: "want breakfast", "want Luke on rug", and lots of "want to go back to that [fill in the blank...yellow car, big truck, bulldozer, bridge, or whatever else we happened to pass on the highway that he wanted to see more of]". Luke kept trying to doze but was continuously jolted out of sleep by Kyle's yelling.

So by the time I got Luke fed (an abridged version of his dinner because I didn't have the usual 1+ hr to feed him!) and got them ready for bed, it was 8:30, which is a full two hours past their usual bedtime. So of course this means that Kyle's normal (horrible!) 5am wake-up time will be 7am tomorrow morning, right? I wish, but for some reason with kids (or at least my kids), late to bed usually means up even earlier. But it sure would be wonderful if he proved me wrong tomorrow!

Surprise!

The boys and I had fun surprising Nonnie at her school today! We walked all around visiting her various teacher friends. Kyle wasn't quite as into the walking-through-the-hallways part as last year. When it turned into a full-blown meltdown, it was time to bring out the big guns...a piece of plain whole wheat bread, which immediately snapped him out of it. Of course!?

And then Kyle discovered some toy trucks in the admin office area, which he enjoyed playing with. He did NOT enjoy when one the middle school boys tried to get a high five out of him...he is VERY stingy with those!

Once we got outside, Kyle was a very happy camper. He loved watching all the school buses (while holding his little school bus which he brought in his backpack), and he had fun walking all around with Nonnie. And as usual, Luke was just his laid-back easy self.

And this was by far the easiest car experience of the 3 years I've done this (even though it was the first year with two of them). Unlike the last two years, Kyle didn't scream the entire drive! Plus it was only 2 hrs each way (not 3 hrs like the other years driving up from CT). Kyle just watched his video and talked about all the big trucks around us (of course he had a few screaming fits, but nothing sustained). And he and Luke both took "car naps" (borrowing their cousins' terminology) on the way home. Only for about 45 minutes but I was pleasantly surprised.

I was also pleasantly surprised by the new double-lane Fast Lane underpasses on I95, where the speed limit remains 65mph so you don't have to slow down. Makes a LOT of sense, and is especially appreciated when you have two napping kids in the car who surely would wake up from slowing down at a toll booth.

Side Note...when I was feeding Luke tonight, I noticed that his first tooth has poked through...yay Pooks! Hopefully this explains his COMPLETE lack of interest in eating lately!

Birthday with my Boys

Ever since Alex and Rachel's birthday party, Kyle will randomly break into song with "Happy Birthday Alex and Rachel" (and this is the only song he's ever sang...he usually gets mad if I try to get him to sing!). So I was able to get him to sing "Happy Birthday" to me throughout the day today, which of course brightened my day. It was cute...he kept starting to sing with Alex and Rachel's names, but then he'd correct himself without my prompting and add "Mumma". Here's a rendition where he tried to get Luke in on the action too...


I was really hoping to get a good picture of Kyle and Luke together today, as a little birthday treat. And as you can see from the slideshow, I got LOTS of good ones...I think I'll just order a case of picture frames, because it will be too hard to choose which ones to enlarge and frame :)

And my other more lofty goal was to get a good picture of me with my boys. Hopefully I'll have some frames leftover to display these winners...


All kidding aside, I have always valued photos. But that feeling has grown exponentially this past year. I am so thankful that I have so many good pictures of Jared with Kyle, and of our 15 years together. It is sometimes a hassle to take the pictures, but I treasure my photos of him more than anything and I am so thankful that I have so many to show our boys. And someday, I hope to get a good picture of me with my boys. But as you can see from the above photos, I think that day is a long ways off!

Fun with Nonnie!

Army Crawler

Luke is starting to shift from rolling to a modified army crawl, as his preferred means of transportation. He's very determined when he sees something he wants! He seems much more motivated to be mobile than Kyle was at this age. I have a feeling that, unlike Kyle, Luke is going to be into EVERYTHING!

And a cute little Kyle story...he is REALLY good about timeouts. The three of us were snuggling on my bed this morning. Then Kyle started jumping right next to Luke's head, which was making me nervous. So I told him to stop. He didn't stop, so I said, "that's it, you're going to have a timeout". Before I could get up, he excitedly hopped off the bed and ran down to his timeout chair saying "timeout, no jumping". Once in the chair, he started doing his typical timeout protest yelling (even though he's the one who put himself there!). Interesting child he is :)

Weaning Woes

So Luke is most definitely weaning himself. Except for once or twice in the middle of the night when he's half asleep, he now cries and turns away as soon as we assume the nursing position and won't do it at all. For the last week, he literally hasn't nursed at all between the hours of 4am and 10pm. Weaning at this point would be great, because nursing him has been pretty much a nightmare since Day 1. But there's one problem...he's weaning himself to nothing. He won't take a bottle or sippy cup. And the bulk of his calories at this age should still be breastmilk/formula (24-32 oz/day...he's probably getting about 12 oz total, between the night feedings and cereal mixed with breastmilk/formula during the day).

I've even been pumping to try to entice him with a familiar taste in the cup (and to keep up my supply for the middle of the night feedings, since that is currently my only means of hydrating him). But he just wants nothing to do with it. It's ironic, because he wants to suck on anything/everything (fingers, toys, books, my face, etc) EXCEPT for anything that contains fluid. Tonight before bed, I spent about 45 minutes working with him on a sippy cup...and after all that, he had taken a whopping 1/2 ounce.

I know everyone thinks I'm overreacting and being over-dramatic about this, and that there should be some easy solution. But there's not. It truly consumes every ounce of emotional energy (and time) that I have. It is just an indescribably frustrating, exhausting, upsetting, defeating feeling to not be able to adequately nourish my baby, and to worry about the effects it's having on his long-term growth/development. And it just feels that much more impossible going through it alone. I miss Jared's emotional support so much, especially when dealing with issues surrounding our boys. There is no doubt that if he were here, he would just take charge of this transition to a cup so that I could get some much-needed separation from it. He was so patient and capable, and just overall much better equipped to handle stuff like this than I am.

I did talk to the UMASS pediatric feeding clinic again and they told me I can ramp up the solids to try to at least compensate for some of the calories and try to boost his weight gain a bit. I was happy to hear this because he's been doing better with solids (jars, yogurt, cereal). But they still stressed the importance of fluids, although didn't have any magic solutions. So I will just keep working on it with him and hope that he eventually gives in to dehydration. I ordered a bunch more different types of sippy cups to try too. We shall see. Hopefully my next post will have some good news to report, like that he's drinking 30 oz of formula from a sippy cup every day and sleeping through the night. Very wishful thinking. I know I sound like a negative loser about this, but it's just really, really hard.

Kyle demanded a "photo shoot" tonight with Luke, and of the 50ish pictures I took, this is the only one where all 4 of their eyes are open and they look reasonably happy/normal. It always strikes me in pictures of them together how VERY different they look from each other. I can't say that I see any resemblance whatsoever...very different hair, eyes, mouths, ears, head shape, etc. But they certainly do love each other. And Kyle certainly is ALL Jared :)