Visit with Nonnie and Auntie Jayne!

We had a great visit with Nonnie and Auntie Jayne today. Kyle had his typical 2 yr old "mood swings" when things didn't go his way, but he definitely enjoyed the visit. He very proudly grabbed his prized yellow car when Auntie Jayne arrived (which she gave him for his birthday). And he really liked saying "I love you" to Nonnie...and I think Nonnie enjoyed it just a little bit too ;)

And Luke took a great (rare!) 3.5 hr nap today so was very well-rested for the visit. Jayne put it best...Luke's a good sport. He just goes with the flow and takes it all in. And he was MUCH more accommodating with photos than his brother!

And thanks to both Nonnie and Jayne for all the generous, thoughtful gifts! Kyle LOVED opening them (including Luke's), but then was quick to say "want more", as he looked at the stack. And also thanks to Grammy for providing the delicious meal! Only two more weeks of bumming off Grammy's wonderful hospitality...

Luke's 4 Month Well Visit

I forgot to mention that Luke had his 4 month well visit last week. He measured 15 lbs 4 oz and 26.5" long. The pediatrician thought he looked great and wasn't too concerned with his poor weight gain. It still concerns me though, because he "wants" to be eating/gaining more than he is (but air bubbles/discomfort are preventing it). Hopefully things turn around soon in that department.

As we did with Kyle for the first 12 months, I've been taking weekly photos of Luke. And here he is today, 19 weeks old!

And as always, Kyle wanted in on the "photo shoot" action...he never passes up an opportunity to snuggle with his bro :)

Visit with the Foleys

We had a fun post-Christmas visit with the Foleys today. The kids enjoyed all the commotion and extra attention, and they LOVE all their generous, thoughtful gifts...thanks Foleys!

Christmas 2010

Christmas was as good as it could be this year. I feel like I've just been going through the motions, basically trying to ignore the whole Christmas season. It used to be such a happy and joyous time, and now it just feels so sad and empty. One of my favorite things used to be sitting by the tree with Jared at night, with the lights out, talking and listening to Christmas music. I just miss so many little things like that about our life together. And this time of year is especially hard because everything feels so geared around families. I know that the three of us are still a family, but it's such a hard version of family to adjust to. I just miss Jared so, so much, and everything he represented in our family. He was truly the best husband and father, and those are voids that will never be filled. His presence was so overwhelmingly missed today.

But Kyle had a good day. He was very into the present-opening, although he's still too young to really "get it". Alex and Rachel definitely "got it" this year though, and it was fun watching their excitement and joy, and feeling that magic of the day. It provided a great preview of what I have to look forward to with my boys in a few years. But it also made me sad, knowing that I won't have Jared to share in that special joy. I so hope his spirit is able to feel the love and joy from our boys, but not the pain and sadness.

Very Frustrated

So nursing is supposed to be this wonderful, natural, healthy, mother/child bonding experience, right? That description couldn't be further from the truth with my children. Nursing Luke is just an absolute nightmare, and it seems to be getting worse even though he's almost 4 months old. He has the same issue Kyle had, where he swallows air, then I hear the air bubble go down, and then he writhes in pain and can't nurse (even after I get a burp out). This happens the majority of times that I (attempt to) nurse him. I'm sure the months of sleep deprivation make it seem worse, but it is just the most indescribably maddening/frustrating/exhausting experience. And obviously he's not gaining well because of this, which just adds to the overall awfulness.

I do get nice glimpses of what it "should" be like, and I do feel good about the health benefits that they've received from it. But overall, nursing has been a very negative experience for me. I just feel like so many things about my life HAVE to be hard right now, but this shouldn't be one of them.

Fortunately though, he's making progress in the bottle department. He's taken one from Grammy the last few nights (only about 3 oz each though, and tonight he refused it altogether). So he's certainly not at a point where I can wean him, but hopefully he'll get there soon. I absolutely can't wait to be done with nursing forever. It will be VERY emotionally liberating, and I also look forward to eating/drinking whatever I want (I've been pregnant and/or nursing continuously for the last 3 years). Enough venting...Luke is such a cute, sweet, happy and most importantly HEALTHY baby. He'd be so easy if I never had to feed him!

On a happier note, Kyle had fun with his cousins today, decorating the tree and making Christmas cookies with Grammy! I'm so thankful that Kyle has his cousins to play with and look up to, and to put him in his place from time to time :)

Closing in on 4 Months...

So as most of you know from Facebook, Luke FINALLY took a bottle from Grammy yesterday! It happened after he woke up from a (very rare) 4.5 hour nap. He fought her for 30+ minutes but then caved and took over 3 ounces. So between the long nap and the bottle (and the fact that Kyle was at his cousins' house for a sleepover), it was a GREAT day!!

A great day nestled between many not-so-great days this past week, mostly due to the fact that Luke hasn't been doing a long sleep stretch at night (everything's been less than 3 hrs). So because of my trouble falling asleep, I've been totaling less than 5 hrs/night of sleep, spread over three stretches...not very restorative to say the least. Hopefully that changes soon, because the lack of sleep has definitely been catching up with me lately.

But Luke is fast-approaching that magical 4 month milestone, when lots of great things become possible. First and foremost, it becomes "acceptable" to let him cry it out at night (although I won't do this until we're in the new house, since he and I share a room right now so it would be extra tough). He also should also be able to fall asleep on his own for naps, without me nursing/rocking him sleep...this will be especially liberating since I feel like I spend half my life trying to get him to sleep! What will I do with all my free time??

And in general, I think babies just become more fun around 4 months. I THINK Luke laughed a couple times over the last few weeks, but last night I got the first definite/repeated laugh. Oddly enough, it came when I was eating at Chipotle with Ca...he became fussy but would laugh every time I leaned my head toward his and made a funny noise. I tried to get a video, but you know what happens as soon as you whip out a camera...whatever you were trying to capture immediately stops. But I'll keep trying to get a video of it. It's SUCH a sweet sound :)

The first of many liberating milestones...

Farewell swaddle...


Hello sleepsack!



Yes, Luke has graduated from the swaddle to the sleepsack! As with Kyle, he went cold turkey. I didn't really feel like the swaddle was enhancing his sleep, and I didn't like how many hours a day he was "bound up" (when you add in the countless hours I spend each day trying to rock/nurse him to sleep when he's swaddled). Plus, he was starting to kick his feet out of it pretty regularly, and the "half in half out" (at least psychologically for me) seems less conducive to sleep than either being swaddled or not. He's done pretty well so far. He wasn't yet sleeping regularly or predictably, so it's hard to say whether short naps/night stretches are the result of no swaddle. My gut feeling is no...his sleep seems pretty similar to before.

The next two liberating milestones that are on the horizon are putting him to bed when he's still awake (not rocking/nursing him to sleep...I absolutely CAN'T WAIT for this one), and then letting him "cry it out" at night, so that I'll finally (hopefully) start getting more than a few hours of sleep at a time. And I look forward to him getting on a predictable nap schedule where I can count on those blocks of time (like I can count on Kyle's daily 40 minute nap...what to do with all that time?!).

Happy 3 Month Birthday Lukey Pookie!

Visit with the Ruggieros

Kyle and Luke had a fun visit with Nonnie, Great Grampy and Uncle Mike today. Kyle was a little "off" when we first got there, but he snapped out of it once he started playing his favorite game...shredding his Car and Driver magazine and bringing each piece to the trash. Who wouldn't perk up from such a fun activity?! Once that got old, he showed off his alphabet knowledge (he knows all his letters!) and then wrapped things up by playing dump truck with Nonnie. And Luke held up pretty well, in between some fussy fits. It was a fun visit...Kyle and Luke are lucky to have such wonderful relatives!

Ups and Downs

Life with Lukey Pookie is definitely one big roller coaster right now. The last couple days have been HORRIBLE (way more time spent trying to get him to sleep than he actually slept, very short sleep stretches at night, lousy nursing, etc). But then last night, he slept a 5 hr stretch followed by a 4 hr stretch. And he's been napping well this morning. So there are lots of ups and downs right now, but I guess that's par for the course with a 2.5 month old. The bad days feel absolutely unbearable, but then they just make me appreciate the good days that much more.

It seems the key is to not let him get overtired. But that's much easier said than done with a two year old in the picture, because I can't always take the time to nurse/rock him to sleep with Kyle around. And once I miss my "getting him to sleep window", it gets very tough. He'll still (usually) fall asleep but will wake up after just 10 or 15 minutes...and then this is followed by endless/frustrating attempts to get him back to sleep. When he's overtired, he just has a lot of trouble getting into that deep sleep mode. This just completely supports the saying "the more they sleep, the more they sleep"...SO TRUE!!

Here are some pictures from the last week...