Parade Day and Story Land

Luke and I had fun at Kyle's school last week for "Parade Day". We got to go twice, first for his morning class and then back for his afternoon class. They do a really nice job choreographing the day, and the weather was beautiful. Crazy to think that next year both boys will be marching in that parade!

And then we had a fun little "vacation" at Story Land. The first day wasn't great. It began with a 4 hr (should have been 3 hr) drive up that featured 5 mph traffic on 495, getting stuck on a NH back road behind a bike race (literally), and two grumpy, fussing, over-tired, constantly coughing boys who refused to sleep.

When we got to Story Land, we did the antique cars which were fun. We then waited in line about 20 minutes for this raft ride (waiting in line...NOT Kyle's strength). And when it was our turn, as our raft was pulling up, they shut the ride down because it started thundering. Needless to say, that did not go over very well with my boys, especially Kyle. And then it POURED! I've never been so soaked in my life.

So we went to the restaurant for dinner drenched (the boys were pretty dry because I shielded them, but I was soaked). I asked for the warmest table they had, so of course they put us directly under an air conditioning vent. But all was okay when Kyle discovered that, in addition to his grilled cheese and fries, they gave him an unexpected pickle and cup of ketchup (which he tried to drink at the end). "And I didn't even ask for them"! He just couldn't get over it :)

But the second day was much better. The boys loved staying at the hotel (VERY tough getting them to settle down to sleep though), having a huge yummy breakfast at a local diner, and going on all the rides. Kyle, who not too long ago was afraid to go down the little slide on our swingset, LOVED all the "thrill" rides! No fear, just pure elation. Loved watching him have such fun! His favorites were the polar (roller) coaster and flume ride. He wanted to keep going on them! Luke wasn't quite as into them but was a good sport. It was an exhausting couple days but they had lots of fun so I'm glad we did it.

In other K & L news, Kyle still has fluid in his ears (and has hearing loss from it) so will be getting tubes put in and adenoids removed next week. Soooo hoping that helps his overall "state" (heavy breathing, CONSTANT colds, poor listening/attention, waking at 5am, etc). A girl can dream, right?

And Luke has reached the very annoying but very age appropriate milestone of climbing out of his crib (a bullet I dodged with my rule-following Kyle). He climbs out (and back in) with ease. Within seconds of me putting him in. It's not dangerous, because he does it very smoothly/effortlessly. Thankfully (knock on wood) he usually stays in his room. But it's turned him into a sleep-deprived mess! My sweet, easy, happy little boy is now a fussy, tantruming, can't-handle-things little disaster.

The novelty of it has him getting up at 5am (a couple mornings in the late 4's). Ick. And getting him to sleep at night and nap time is now VERY challenging. I tried taking all the toys and books out of his room, thinking he'd have less motivation to climb out. But then he started playing with his blinds, the heating vent, plugs, and my least favorite, emptying his dresser. That plan kind of backfired so I put everything back so that he sticks with toys. I ordered him a mattress that's being delivered on Sunday. Hoping that will help. I want my rested, happy-all-the-time little boy back!

Aunt Ca (and family) R-O-C-K ROCK!!!!!!

So having the best sister in the world (especially an unemployed one!) has many benefits. Thanks to Ca (and family), I had the BEST 40 hour stretch!! And within the 40 hrs were many distinctively different and wonderful segments. I'll summarize below:

7:30pm to midnight Saturday: Ca (aka TBSITW, The Best Sister in the World) came over with my favorite takeout for dinner and a visit. So in the this segment, I got to eat one of my favorite meals and visit with one of my favorite people!

Midnight to 5am(ish) Sunday: Ca slept on my couch, enduring the very annoying cat activity going on around her. She slept over so that...

5am(ish) to 7am(ish) Sunday: Ca was in charge of the boys' early morning wake-up/breakfast while I was able to stay in bed and relax! I woke up when Kyle got up around 5am, but it was the most WONDERFUL feeling to be "off duty". And the absolute best part of this was listening to their cute interactions. Ca has SUCH a wonderful way with them and they both adore her. Kyle knew of the whole plan ahead of time and was super excited about everything. But I thought it was best to keep Luke somewhat in the dark and just let him go with the flow (he knew he was sleeping over his cousins, but didn't know Ca was getting him up, etc). But he was totally fine with everything though. I just can't describe how much I enjoyed listening to their morning with Aunt Ca, hearing them be loved and enjoyed, and vice versa. I was just lying there with a huge smile on my face the whole time :) It's a perspective/luxury that I really, really miss.

8am to 8pm Sunday: Ca left with the boys a little after 7am I think, and I stayed in bed until almost 8am. Then my game plan for the day was just to start in one corner of the house and work my way through it, organizing and doing the million little things that I never have time to do. I didn't know if this would be too vague/unrealistic of a goal, but it wasn't (probably because I have a very organized house to begin with). I absolutely CRANKED! And felt so incredibly energized while doing it. It didn't even occur to me to have coffee until midway through the day, and then I had it just because I enjoy it, not because I needed it. And I barely ate anything until around 5pm (and usually food is something I very much look forward to throughout the day, and especially when I have my favorite leftovers in the fridge!).

For those who know me well, a day full of accomplishment like this is pure bliss. I had NO desire to rest/relax during the day (I logged 10,000+ steps on my Fitbit without even leaving the house!). I fixed some stuff, rearranged some furniture, generated 5 giant garbage bags for Goodwill (oooh how I love getting rid of stuff!), and cleaned/organized all 10, yes 10, of our closets (I didn't realize just how many we had until yesterday). And many other satisfying little odds and ends projects.

I literally got everything accomplished that I had hoped to, which is such a wonderful (and unfamiliar!) feeling. I just love feeling like everything is organized, and that all the stuff in our house is truly stuff we need/want/use (I am the exact opposite of a pack rat!). I could go on and on about my "organizer's high", but I think you get the drift.

8pm to 11:30pm Sunday: As I was finishing up around the house, I wanted to run some errands. So I did! Went grocery shopping, Target and Walmart. And just leisurely went through my lists. No rushing, no kids, no needing a babysitter, no curfew. It was such a wonderful, liberating feeling, even though it made for a late night.

Midnight to 9am Monday: Slept until 5am (no surprise, since I'm used to being woken up then every day). But then stayed in bed until 9am, in and out of sleep, savoring the quiet house and just being lazy. Ahhh...

9am to 11am Monday: Took a relaxing shower (without listening for crying/yelling...I even had the exhaust fan on!). Then was on a conference call from 10-11, without fear that someone would be yelling/crying when I had the phone off mute to say something. Then I left to pick up my precious boys. And they were such giddy little chatterboxes on the way home, so excited to tell me about all their fun adventures...I loved it! They had such a blast!

As you probably gathered, sleep wasn't a priority during this stretch. While that's something I crave every day, wishing I could sleep in occasionally, I realized it was VERY unlikely that I'd actually be able to do it "on demand"...too much pressure, especially when my body is programmed to wake so early. And in reality, what would one night of extra sleep really do for me? Nothing. But 12 hrs of catching up around the house? DEFINITELY did something for me.

I just feel so energized and recharged. It was such a new and wonderful feeling, going through the whole day alone in the house and on "my terms"...not having to drop what I was doing to change a diaper, wipe a nose (every 30 seconds), get a drink, wipe a butt, help find something, settle a fight, etc. And not feeling rushed because there were no outside commitments/responsibilities/influences to define or interrupt the day. It made me realize how my wishes/plans just always take the back-burner to my very demanding little boys. And I realized how much that wears on you, feeling like time is never your own. Man, I could go on and on. Having the "Day of Dit" was just what the doctor ordered...it felt so wonderfully different and I just felt so alive!

And I was glad to be so occupied on Father's Day. Obviously that's a sad day for me, so I was happy to be busy and just avoided Facebook like the plague (didn't feel like reading everyone's declarations that their kids have the best dad). I had a vivid dream Saturday night that was upsetting but with a slightly positive angle. I dreamt that I forgot it was Father's Day and, when I remembered, felt bad that Jon had extra kids in the house on "his day". So I called him to apologize and he said something to the effect "I'm happy the boys are here because it's a reminder of how lucky I am that I get to be a father, and that it wasn't taken away from me". I cried every time I thought about this dream yesterday, thinking about all the life/love/experiences that Jared and our boys are missing out on. But I also had kind of a hopeful feeling, that maybe other dads appreciate their role, getting to be a dad, a little more because of Jared. I'm always trying to find something "good" that came out of his death, and I think this is the closest I can come.

Anyway, back to my "high"...I just COMPLETELY underestimated the effect that one quiet, productive, stress-free, kid-free day/night in the house could have. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade my loud, unproductive, stressful life for anything. But MAN was it rejuvenating! And I was actually able to miss my boys, which was a great feeling!

And what made everything that much more awesome was the fact that TBSITW texted me photos/updates throughout the day, saying how good they were being and how much fun they were having. That's Ca for you, going above and beyond...not just taking them for a sleepover, but going out of her way to make me feel good about it (even after getting up at 5am with them two days in a row!). She just has such an uncanny knack for always knowing exactly how/what to do/say. It was just complete worry-free, guilt-free bliss.

And the weather was exactly how I like it yesterday...not too hot, a little ominous/stormy-looking but no rain. I had all the windows open and enjoyed the wonderful breezes blowing through. It just really felt like "my day" :) I know people always think that I should or would want to get away for a mini-vacation. But I can honestly say I have no desire to do that. Yesterday was absolutely perfect. That's my idea of a vacation. A productive, quiet day alone in the house, along with a leisurely kid-free morning. I don't know what that says about me, but it's the truth. It was just the BEST day!

Whew, what a long, rambling post this turned out to be! I just wanted to document and share this wonderful feeling. THANK YOU with all my heart Ca, Jon, Alex and Rachel. Hoping this "high" lingers for a while... :)

Maine Visit

We had a fun day in Maine today, surprising Nonnie at her school, and then going to the beach afterward. The boys were just FLABBERGASTED when Nonnie's school friend Pam gave them each a couple cars! They kept referring to her as the "really nice person" :) Which she is! They also loved watching the fish in the aquarium (Kyle especially). In fact, it was hard to peel Kyle away from it to go to the beach...he kept saying "nope, I'll tell you when I'm ready" :) He calls the shots, that's for sure.

But we made it to the beach and the boys had a blast! They liked throwing a tennis ball to a couple nice dogs (until Luke got leveled by one), watching crabs and other creatures in the tidal pools, going through their "obstacle course" in the rocks, playing with their construction vehicles (Luke especially!), and most of all wading into the ocean and getting that dizzy feeling looking down at the water going in and out, sinking into the sand. I think (hope) we'll all sleep well tonight!

Spring Pics/Update

Now that it feels like summer, I thought I'd do a spring wrap-up post. So here goes:

KYLE:
He can TOTALLY read (and has been for a couple months!). He just picks up a book and reads it! Really cool and something he just taught himself. So proud of my little smartypants :) So that's his big news.

And being the big boy that he is, he now gets up by himself in the morning, disarms the security system ("does the numbers"), and plays quietly (wishful thinking!) in the family room until Luke wakes up. And I stay in bed until that happens (which unfortunately is usually before 6am, due to Kyle's not quite playing). Still a better way for me to ease into the day, instead of having to jump into action before 5:30am every day. And now that Kyle can read, I leave him a (fairly lengthy) note every morning, telling him about the day ahead, or things that he did that made me happy/proud. I love listening to him read it when I'm lying in bed. He usually ends by saying "awww, that was so nice of Mommy" :)

His new not-so-good milestone (although good developmentally) is that he's starting to talk back to me..."Mommy, I won't", or even things like "no one else has to do that" or "everyone else is eating dinner right now" (usually uttered around 4pm). And his other not-so-good development is that he appears to have ANOTHER cold! For a kid who was exclusively breastfed and eats SUCH a healthy diet, he seems to have no immunity from colds. In June nonetheless! Oh well, hoping it's mild and Luke and I don't catch it.

LUKE:
He can do 48 piece puzzles all by himself! And NEVER gets frustrated. He is the most patient little boy, and I love watching him in action. Not quite as amusing is his habit of removing all his clothes and diaper when I put him down for his nap. Somehow he is able to remove his duct-taped diaper that I need scissors to get off. So napping isn't his strength right now, although if I can ride out his antics he'll always sleep for a couple hours.

But he just continues to crack me up with the things that he comes up with. Like I always tell the boys that I love them more than anything in the world. And Luke very sincerely and sweetly looked at me the other day and said "Mommy, I love you more than anything in the bulldozer" :) Oh, and he can put on his right sock all by himself. So he can usually be found roaming the house in just his right sock...I put on both, he takes both off, and then proudly puts the right one on himself :)

And he's getting very good at using the potty (nothing I'm pushing though...I'm all for waiting until they are TOTALLY ready, like Kyle at age 3.5, who literally to this day has never had an accident). Luke does a pee before his nap and before bed, and even did his first big poop on it yesterday that he was very proud of! He's very into it. Looks like I may be potty-training him before I'd like to...

ME:
After having a VERY scary night with a 105F fever (bronchitis/pneumonia), I took two weeks off from exercising, as recommended because of the deep congestion/stressed respiratory system. At first this bothered (the somewhat OCD) me, because it was the first time I've missed a day in almost 2 yrs. But once I got over that, I must admit it was really nice! Not exercising without guilt! Up until now, I've still had that "rattling" so truly felt like waiting was the right thing to do. But it was back to reality the last two mornings, and I've felt good...no worse for the rest!

And last and also least, SUNDAY GIRL AND PATSY PATS:
They seem to be adjusting well to their new home, and Luke's less-than-gentle shows of affection for them. Kyle and I can totally tell them apart now, and Luke about 10% of the time. None of us have quite nailed their gender though, still routinely referring to them as "he" and "him". I can't say I'm overly attached to them yet, but they are very low-maintenance and easy, with no real downfalls (except poor toenail clipping cooperation, right Ca?). I do see potential in Sunday to be Benson-like. Plus they are still kittens, so hopefully some of their friskiness/skiddishness improves with age.

Mother's Day 2013

Once Kyle got over the initial shock/disappointment that I wasn't making HIM a special Mother's Day breakfast, and that HE wasn't getting Mother's Day presents, we had a nice brunch at Tower Hill :)

Happy 90th Birthday, Great Grampy!

Nonnie and Uncle Mike put together a WONDERFUL gathering for Great Grampy's 90th birthday today. Family even flew in from England for it! It was really nice to see Great Grampy in his element, surrounded by friends and family celebrating such an amazing milestone. May we all be living independently and active on Facebook when we're 90 :)

Nonnie Non (like Patsy Pats)!

We had a fun visit with Nonnie today! The boys liked reading/"reading" to her (Luke's "reading" is in quotes, but Kyle's is the real deal!). We then went on a nice walk, with each boy carrying their cool new vehicle that Nonnie gave them. We stopped to look at lots of flowers, bugs, moss, mushrooms, and dirt along the way, and a huge excavator digging a hole for a new pool a few doors down! After our walk, the boys liked showing Nonnie their helicopter that flies (and the kitties were just as excited about it too!), and enjoyed salmon burgers for lunch.

The visit was capped off with the boys running "errands" up and down the hall (e.g. I tell them, "I need you to go to Connecticut and audit the shoe factory", or "I need you to go to the restaurant and show the cook how to make pizza", and they run down the hall and pretend to do the task...incorporates exercise and imagination!). Oh, and I almost forgot the REAL highlight...watching Nonnie write "Great Grampy" on the magnadoodle :)

Meet Sunday and Patsy!

Luke and I went to the animal shelter on Friday to meet our new kitties (who weren't going to be old/big enough for us to take home for a couple weeks). And while there, we saw 6 month old kitty sisters that I really "connected" with (whatever that means with cats?!). So we made the switch and picked them up yesterday!

"Floyd" is now a girl, so she became Patsy (as in the Pats, hands-down Jared's favorite sports team). So Sunday and Patsy (or "Patsy Pats" as Luke calls her) have been busy exploring their new crib for the last 24 hrs. They've eaten, drank, used the litter box, and even played a little ball with the kids. For the most part though, they have kept a low profile when the boys are running around like maniacs. But after they went to bed last night, both kitties curled up on my lap :)

It's fun to start learning their different personalities. Patsy is definitely a bit bolder and more playful, and she slept on my bed (in her bed) last night. And Sunday seems more shy but VERY relaxed and content in my lap. Not sure where she slept last night. Still learning their hiding places...there are times where I have absolutely no idea where they are!

And yes, they look a LOT like Benson. Purely coincidental. In fact, I would have preferred that they looked totally different. But I like short-hair cats (and these guys have the SOFTEST fur), and I liked their age, and they just seemed really sweet and "right". Now the boys and I just have to remember that they're "shes" (I feel like my mom calling my pet by the wrong gender). At least Mom, Ca and I now all have pets of the same gender, so that should make things easier :)

Benson, the Best Kitty Ever, 1/1/00(ish) - 4/2/13

At age 13, Benson suddenly stopped eating, going from 16 lbs to 11 lbs (vet suspects from advanced cancer), and developed fatty liver disease. I tried force feeding him for 10 days (swaddled with a syringe...not fun for either of us), on the off-chance that he stopped eating because of an infected tooth that the vet pulled. But he just kept going downhill. He started throwing up, stopped cleaning himself so had litter all stuck in his fur, and just wanted to be off by himself, like he knew he was dying. Seeing him in this state was definitely the hardest part for me, as I hate seeing any creature suffering.

At that point, the decision was pretty obvious. And I am SO thankful that I was able to have him put to sleep at home, while gently patting him on my lap, instead of having his last life experience be a car ride and the vet's office (both of which terrified him). He was such a sweet, cuddly cat. And such a comfort and companion to me, especially since Jared died. And also such a tie to my life with Jared. But I am at peace knowing I did the right thing. I really miss him though, especially at night after the kids go to bed.

The boys are doing fine with it. I had been prepping them, saying that Benson was really, really sick and they (Kyle) deduced that he might die. So on the last night, I had them pat him gently and tell him how much they loved him before bed (they didn't know that was the last time they'd see him, but I feel good that they had a sweet, loving final exchange with him).

His death definitely stirred up feelings/fears in Kyle about death. Ever since, he has been expressing worry that I might die. And he will say "Mommy, I love you so much and don't want you to ever, ever die". Or "Mommy, please don't die first". Per psychologists' recommendations, I don't promise him that I won't die, but I just tell him that most people die when they're really, really old, and that I'm not old so not to worry. And then he wants to know if I did die, would he get a new mommy, and where would he live. And I just tell him that he has lots of people in his life who love him and would take care of him, and that he'd live with Aunt Ca, Uncle Jon, Alex and Rachel because they love him so much. Don't know if I'm telling him too much, but I'm just kind of following his lead and trying to put his fears to rest as best I can. Such sad worries for a four year old. Absolutely breaks my heart.

And then I got an email from his school yesterday, saying Kyle was telling staff that he was going to the mall for breakfast with Mommy and Daddy in the morning. They wanted to know how they should respond when he says things like that. I asked Kyle this morning if he told a lie at school yesterday, and he said yes and described exactly what they told me. I asked why he said that, and he said because he wishes we could do that, and that Daddy could come down from heaven to live with us. And I responded the way I always do "me too baby, I wish that more than anything in the world". I really can't explain the gut-wrenching ache I feel when he says things like that. I know the pain is way worse for me hearing it than it is for him, but it just hurts like nothing else. Really just indescribable hurt.

Oh a happier note, the boys are excited to get TWO new kitties in the coming weeks. I have already decided on names, wanting to choose ones that give us a connection to Jared: Sunday (because Sunday was "Jared's day"...he loved making pancakes, reading the Sunday paper, going to the flea market, going mountain biking, and of course watching football) and Floyd (because Pink Floyd was "our music" that we loved listening to when relaxing and hanging out together). So stay tuned for the arrival of Sunday and Floyd!

Here's a photo tribute to our sweet little (I use that term loosely) Benson...

Happy Easter!

The boys had a fun Easter today! Kyle was a good boy and did puzzles in his room this morning until Luke woke up, so that we could all go down together to see if the Easter bunny came. And lo and behold, he (she?) did! The boys thought it was CRAZY that they got to eat candy (about 1/3 of a funsize bag of M&Ms that were in their eggs) and a lollipop before breakfast! They really lived it up :) Probably the last year I can get away with such candy deprivation...

We then went up to Great Grampy's and had fun playing outside (SUCH a nice day!) with Nonnie, Uncle Mike, Kaitlyn, Emily, and of course Great Grampy. The boys liked driving their new cars from Nonnie in the dirt, reciting the Pledge of Allegiance to all the flags in the complex, and singing "I'm into Something Good" (got to love a 4 yr old and 2 yr old singing "...and I can tell, I'm her kind of guy"). Luke especially enjoyed turning his new white stuffed bunny into a lovely dirty-dishwater color by rolling him around in the dirt :)

Then we headed over to the country club for a yummy brunch. Kyle was in heaven with all the deliciously unhealthy food on his plate. He even got to pick a dessert...chocolate cake! He was simply dumbfounded walking around the extensive dessert table, like he was exploring a foreign country :) They were really well-behaved for the most part (our waitress even came over to compliment them on their good behavior!). And they got to meet the Easter bunny...what more could they ask for?! Oh, I know...some high fives with Great Grampy before we left :)